I'm so sorry I did that OPK with the positive two lines and it looked like Hcg in my system. I have a funny feeling it could have been a chemical pregnancy as they say it does then arrive late (mine was 4 days late) and by Friday my hcg was negative from the doc's office. A week prior to that I had the sore boobs and the tingling of the nipples. Both in my IVF cycle and in the last natural cycle, I developed sore throats and I'm convinced it's an immune system thing. My body does not WANT to take the embryos.
Ah well, the hardest thing was seeing my partner be really upset. it really knocked him for six. He was so upset last night as he had been making plans.
I guess what's hard for me now is the hope is starting to fade into the twilight. I just have no faith in the clinics here in Ireland. There is no sense that they know better than you - in fact i know more than them. Even with this FET, they wanted me to go on the pill. I hate the pill and it makes my cycle irregular and I had to WRITE and tell the doctor that. Now I don't have to take it. The doctor is too busy at 180 euros per hour to bloody well talk to you. Not like in America, where they have their RE's who know them personally - who do individual programme tailored to them. We don't have REs - we are just a number and a cash cow. It's a conveyor belt - do everyone with the same protocol and some will stick and some wont.
Oh, I just don't even think that this FET will work. The faith is GONE. I'm just sick of the whole system here. I don't even have a choice of changing a clinic as we have so few. I mean after, my failed IVF, the doctor didn't even call me to say sorry. Nothing = no follow up, no discussion. Just left in the dark and 5000 euros less in your bank account.
Lovely.
Girls it's gone. I've had it. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of eating really well, watching my exercise, not drinking wine, not drinking coffee (for 9 months now), giving up my masters degree and of all this work. FOR A SWEET BFN. I'm so angry at the moment. So peed off. So every darn negative emotion in the book. It's all there and I have to get on with it and work every day and I'm working this weekend - heading in now.
I just don't know what to say.
WORDS ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH
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Hey Sweetie. I am sooo very sorry to hear about the BFN especially with everthing that you have gone through. Hey! Should you and your partner need a break.... come to the States! Stay with Me ! Lets talk soon, when you feel up to it. Warmest Regards, Rachelle
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