Take comfort in just doing your best. Currently in Relax mode!

top of the blog to you all! Well I write to you from my bed. I've pretty much been in bed since Monday - though I've been up and down and up and down for showers, meals etc., but mostly I've been here relaxing and doing my visualisation CD. There appears to be some debate on whether bed rest is needed for implantation or not. I'm on the fence, but I guess after all the drugs in your body, it makes sense to sit back and relax for a few days. Allow your body to welcome the embryos and heal and I suppose relax. So this makes sense I guess! I've been here in my mams house getting meals cooked and bedside treatment! So nice! So I've no complaints at all. I'm not worried about this two week wait or allowing it to be a roller coaster of emotions. All I can do is my best and thats what I am doing!!

Putting it back in - 3 embryos safe and sound and back with mammy!

Well here I am post transfer - it's late at night and I can't sleep. Woke up with cramps and then got up and have been typing ever since. So - a little bit about today - Firstly, I went to visit my sister and her new baby in hospital. My mam joked that this will be me in a few months time. I've decided as my partner is really busy to stay with my mam in the 3/4 days post transfer to avail of mammy dinners and get lots of tlc!! So anyhow I was there with my sister and suddenly realised I needed to drink at least 2 litres of water before my transfer - they insist on a full bladder. Apparently this pushes up the uterus and helps the whole procedure. So I start drinking like crazy. Then it turns out, my appointment is one hour late. I'm sitting in the waiting room reading magazines but so excrutiately bursting to go to the loo, it's not funny. When they finally call me into the theatre, I'm seriously ready to burst. The nurse asks me if I'd like to go a little bit - but I decide against that as a little bit would just mean opening the floodgates and this little dam was about to give way! She asks me will I last another 20 minutes? And I nod, afraid to sit down or laugh or do anything. When I get into theatre, they go through my embryos which have been selected for transfer - they have decided that 3 is the number - although they are all of top quality (or grade as they call it). The embryologist says that they've done really really well. I'm kind of surprised as the doctor had said 2, if the quality was good, but I guess they feel it might increase my chances. So I trust them. Anyhow, I get to see my exploding bladder and uterus on the scan screen! "wow" says the nurse, your bladder is huge! The whole procedure was so uncomfortable although not too bad as I had gone through 2 iui's and had known what to expect. The transfer is really like a smear - with a full bladder! lol.

So went back home and have now been in bed all day, watched videos and had some mammy home cooking. What more can a girl ask for. I feel sorry for my partner who worked until 10pm tonight. The expression "make hay while the sun shines" actually did from the reality that farmers have to live with and my partner is literally there doing that. If they can get two good days without rain, they can finally get some food for the animals in this Winter. They've been waiting all Summer for this! Well folks, I'm going to go and try and get some rest. It being almost 4am in the morning. Positive thinking and sticky vibes - lets hope my little embies are floating peacefully towards their beds for some rest. xxx cherrygo

One day post egg retrieval

Well I'm sore that's for sure. I definitely know there was something poking about my ovaries - feels like they were in a rugby scrum! The Embyrologist told us to expect a call between 4 and 7 pm today. It's morning time here and my partner made me a lovely Irish breakfast (sausages, pudding, tomato, bacon and mushrooms). I get back into bed as I'm still nauseous from sedative yesterday. So sitting here in bed watching the TV. Made my partner watch "the Secret" last night but he stopped it after 20 minutes - as I think it's too "touchyfeely" for him! But as a firm believer in it - I made myself watch it this morning aswell.

So anyhow, this morning just as I'm watching the secret - asking the universe for my embies - the embryologist calls. Of course, because I was not expecting a call until 4pm later today and it being only 10.15am, I thought it was perhaps bad news! So I say to myself - no matter what the news is, I'm going to be happy; I won't cry; i will be strong; I will answer with a smile and close the conversation with a smile. So I confirm my date of birth and then she tells me that I have 6 fertilised eggs. My partner was really worried as he said there wasn't much of his juices in his semen collection, following him having to relieve himself in the field! lol....I breathe a sigh of relief! I'm so happy and tell her thanks so much for looking after them - it is really appreciated. Well, I could almost see the smile in her voice: I'm guessing she probably has to make a lot of hard phone calls with emotional outbursts. So I wanted her to feel appreciated. So anyhow, this is good news! They are all doing fine which means one part of the hurdle over. This means - my eggs and my partners sperms are doing fine - I was always a little worried about this. Truth be known. Till tomorrow. yours in sore ovaries! Cherrygo!

Egg Retrieval - How many Mini Mes

Well I've continued to be unwell and nauseous, somehow I think the pregnyl, hcg shot didnt' go down well with my digestive system. I felt so dizzy - I would liken it to being on the ocean, seasick! Went home and my partner cooked me a lovely dinner - we both went to lie down on the bed - him in sympathy with me - he fully clothed and me in my trekkies (track suit). He rubbed my hair and told me to relax and forget about the nauseous symptions. Next thing I know, I woke up at 3am in the morning. We had fallen asleep. The next morning, I wake up bright and breezy and suitably "starved" for my egg retrieval (ER). My partner drives me there and we are like kids having a fun time. Somehow, I was not worried about the eggs, I felt it would all be fine.

So, we arrive into the clinic and I'm gowned up. H thinks I look good in it - blue is your colour, he says. Then starts to get all jiggy and asks have I ever done it in a clinic? hehehe...he is wicked. My partner and I then have to sign a lot of forms. We felt like we were making a will! I think EU law is quite protective of embryos. He signs over all embryos to me in the event we split up - he says "ah sure, what would I need with them yokes?" Then the embryogolist came in and took out photos - which I'm guessing will be on all the test tubes, petrie dishes of our mini-us's! So anyhow, I go into the OR and they give me my sedation shot and I'm chatting away with the doctor, telling him that it takes a lot of sedation to get me asleep. I'm having a lovely long conversation and the nurse is asking me a lot of questions. Next thing I know - I wake up from a lovely dozey sleep. Obviously it doesn't take that much sedative to get me down! You really feel great in la-la land. Nothing matters except that restful relaxing feeling you have. I figured it was all over. It took me about 5 minutes to wake up and then the nurse came into me - to tell me that they got 10 mature mini-mes. So then, I just have to wait on the fertilisation report now, They tell me that I'll hear from them tomorrow between 4 and 7pm. Don't worry if I don't hear from them until late!

I kept joking to my partner - get those spermie pick axes out, it's time to work! He was a bit worried about sperm quality as he hasn't quite had the 3 day abstention - as the nurse told him 5 days was too long a period, so he had to "tend" to himself on Wed out with the sheeps and cows in the field! That would have made a funny sight! I'm sure he was behind a bush or something! hehehe..

He said he'd be very upset if this doesn't work - but I said - have the pity party for the week - we'll pick ourselves off, dust ourselves up and move on. Life throws stuff at us and how we deal with it can make it really difficult, or easier. We all can get through bad times - and hiccups on this journey makes us stronger and appreciate that little baby that much more - when it does come. My sister had a baby boy today. He was nine pounds. I was a bit peeved I couldn't go into hospital to see her today, but the clinic and my partner insisted that I go straight home.

He was really sweet, cooked me fresh vegetable soup (picked from his vegetable garden) and put me to bed. I could get used to this. So I've no complaints - I said to him this morning - thanks for going on this journey with me...and I felt really closer to him. They say IVF can push you apart sometimes, but not in our instance. Mostly I've slept all day and got lots of rest! The body needs it after all these drugs!

Ready to snap, crackle and pop!

Well I feel like I'm ready to pop! Eight days of stimms and my follies are all ready I think - all 14 of them. My left hand side feels like it's been in a boxing match and my right side keeps cramping.

At the moment, I look like I've hurt my leg - as I'm limping along! So hard to keep looking normal at work. So I stayed up last night to trigger at midnight - mixed one vile of water with two powder ampoules of pregnyl, did the injection and then found I couldn't sleep! Does pregnyl have caffeine in it without the buzz?!! So I'm pretty nauseous and tired today and quite heartburny? Actually do I sound like I'm complaining? I really don't want to complain as I'm really happy that my response to the stimulation drugs is good - that i have plenty of follicles and hopefully tomorrow I'll get a good few eggs with which to work with! All very exciting to think that little parts of me and my partner will be meeting for the first time in a petrie dish. They do say that sometimes, the egg doesn't like the scent of the sperms and often won't let them in? I wonder will my eggs like my partners spermies or will they give them the brush-off!! Oh, would love to be a fly on the wall for that incubator! So today, I'm just going to chill and have an early night. The last couple of days have flown and as of one more hour I'm on my official vacation time!! This time tomorrow I will have popped my little eggies! Fingers and toes crossed that we get good quality eggs. I think we will.

Funny, I don't feel like I'm on holidays - perhaps because it has not sunk in yet. Only when I'm lying in my bed on Sat morning until whatever time, will I feel like its a vacation. I have an early start tomorrow for ER and will be fasting from midnight tonight. So it'll be a long day tomorrow before I eat - probably the afternoon.

Well folks wish me luck and I'll keep you posted on how many mini-mes are retrieved!
best always

Cherrygo

CD4 and Bruise Central

Well it's officially the weekend again. I'm on CD4 of my injections today. It's all going fine - a few little twinges and a bruise from the first day. I'm taking Arnica to stop the bruises though as I develop these lovely coloured ones! Talk about colours of the rainbow. Mind you the tummy is starting to look a little bloated - look like I've been on a bender of beer and pretzels for the last two weeks!! I can safely say I haven't - but sure I may as well get used to the fat belly! lol. It's part of the uniform!

Had a nice night last night - got home early from work and went for a brisk walk down by the sea for about an hour - then came home and cooked some roasted veg and some fish. Then watched some girlies sex and the city - it was the episode of the baby shower and Carrie's period is late! I never tire of this series - it always makes me laugh.

I had to call the clinic this morning as I wasn't sure if I had to continue the Buserelin (nasal spray) as I am doing the injections? I think I have to, but I'm not sure. Felt some little tenderness down there so I'm presuming those follicles are growing. No other side effects of symptoms to report. Mind you I did have a good dream last night - dreamt about these waves that nearly drowned me - actually they were tsunamis. Maybe I need a vacation! Thats what my subconscious is trying to tell me. According to Carl Jung, a tsunami dream is very significant. It is one of those great “archetypal” dreams, meaning symbols which are universal across all cultures. A tsunami is supposed to be a symbol of some great spiritual change, the washing away of the old and the beginnings of new growth.

I think this kind of ties in with my using "the Secret". Every day I'm thanking for what I have - everyday I'm trying to be kind and giving to my fellow co-workers. Although I used to try and do this sometimes, now everyday, I'm trying to do it. So anyway readers, here's to new beginnings!

Bland Lasagna...;-(

Well last night was uneventful - cooked lasagna for my partner (who told me it was quite bland! Men!). Well I enjoyed it anyhow and am having some leftovers for lunch! He mowed the lawn, we watched the news and by 9.30 was ready for bed.

So we got our injections ready and I was surprised how long it took for 450 iui of the puregon to go in (about 20 seconds or more of depressing the needle). My partner did the prepping of the needles and I did the injections. Nothing like a bit of teamwork. Anyhow, feel fine this morning although I've read about some people who say that Luveris gives you very vivid dreams. So I'm looking forward to that! Otherwise I'm at a loss about how many days I'll be stimming (stimulating my ovaries). Already starting to feel little twinges down there! I think the ultimate aim is to have as many follicles as possible - because this means more eggs. I think the more eggs they get, the better!

I find this so exciting, just the thought that life begins in this dish in the lab. It is so amazing this us humans with all this energy and capability start from such tiny cells. God really knew what he was doing! Started on the baby aspirin and feel pretty good I must admit. So far it's all been so good!

CD 1 - The Road to IVF BEGINS!!!

Well went in for my scan today and my lining is 3mm - perfect they say for me to start my meds! I'm now officially on the road for IVF! I've been *trying* to do "the secret" - which is believing and preparing for this baby and making yourself ready to receive it. Sometimes its hard, sometimes its easy. I make sure I feel happy and content and know that my baby is on its way. Its not for me to know how or when - but he/she is coming. I have faith!

I must admit, I went into the clinic this morning smiling and when I was 35 minutes waiting on my appointment - I was as chilled out as a Frozen margarita. So there's something in this positive thinking of The Secret! When the nurse scanned me - so had a trainee nurse with her. I always make sure I smile and set the trainees at ease. Can't be that easy looking at women ALL DAY!! lol. She went through the medication with me and when I said my Puregon injection was missing from the medication parcel, she proceeded to give me hers she uses for demonstration! This saved me a trip to the pharmacy! This just shows you what a little smile and a nice sense of happiness can do for people's moods! It's contagious!! Try it folks - just when you are feeling down, sing "zippity doo da" or some silly song. Then force yourself to smile and be happy with what you have in life. This morning heading into the clinic I looked like someone who has just won the Lottery! It really works and puts everyone else in good form!

Got a call from the Irish Times today, one of their music journalists wants to interview me! So I've put together a response. The article is all about traditional Irish music and the role it should play in our economic recession (if any) It is nice to be asked and it will be interesting to see if my comments are used.

Well folks, I'm pretty tired today and I expect a long long walk on the pier this evening along with early bed time!! See ya'll tomorrow as I'm starting my stimulation phase. I find it all really exciting! I meant to say, my bruises on my hand and arm from the acupuncture still haven't faded? They look pretty bad. My Partner was telling everyone we had a boxing match! hehehe.....I think I fell in love with him again at the wedding. Sssh don't tell him!

An Irish Wedding

Well folks, drove down Friday night to Kilkenny for my friend's wedding.
I managed to get my outfit together aswell as buy my partner a nice Garmin Satnav for his birthday. He turned 34 on Sat. I wore a cream and black dress with fuschia pink silk bolero, fuschia bag and fuschia shoes. It was colourful and very comfy- except the shoes. Woh is me, they seriously killed my feet all day and the hummed to me that night when I got into bed.

The day of the wedding was a lovely warm day, thanks be to God. I arrived at the church early to set up and TUNE the harp. They're kind of temperamental things as I mentioned in a post previous. I was there about one hour before the bride was expected so that I had enough time to run through the programme.

Then the musicians arrived in and I made sure we ran through the bridal march and the music programme. The combination of instruments was very unusual, harp (me), guitar and uileann (pronounced ill-in) pipes. The uileann pipes are really primal and sound like almost part of the stones, heather and Irish landscape. They have such a unique sound - if you've not heard them before, think the scottish bagpipes with a "softer" like droney feel!

The bride looked absolutely beautiful, it must be said. Her dress glistened with the beadwork and she was tall, radiant and statuesque. During the ceremony, the musicians ran out of songs, so on the spur of the moment, I decided to do "She moves through the Fair" with the harp. You can have a listen to this on www.myspace.com/siobhanwarfied. I was quite nervous, but I was told that my rendition was a "hairs stood up on their back of their necks" one. This is always the ultimate compliment to any musician, I was so happy just to be part of the ceremony and to help make my friends' wedding! The church part was over by 3pm and by 3.30pm we were sitting on the banks of the riverfront hotel in Kilkenny with the scenic backdrop of Kilkenny castle overlooking us.

I decided to bite the bullet and have a glass of champagne. Well if I'm gonna have a drink it may as well be expensive! I only allow myself one. After one little glass I felt giddy and exhilerated. My partner looked so handsome with his navy pinstriped Ted Baker suit, blue shirt and pink silk tie. He and I *tried* our best to do some Irish dancing during the night. My partner is pretty much two left feet and we had a lot of fun attempting "the Siege of Ennis" - an old Irish set dance. Just visualise dancing like "swing your partner round, one two three!! and you'll get the idea of what set dancing is like" You could definitely get fit with Irish dancing - as we sweated profusely after only one set! The night came to an end at about 2.30am. I was pretty tired as its hard when everyone else is well jarred (Irishf for having a lot to drink) and you are on your 15th Sparkling water!! By the end of the night, one of my partner's friends tried to force me have a real drink, so I gave in and had a Baileys. I'm guessing that one glass of champers and one Baileys won't interfere with my baby making eggs too much!! All in all, I'm feeling pretty darn good and positive at the moment! My Aunt flow was a-flowing profusely - which is good as my lining is thinning as we speak. I almost forget my sniffer dog nasal spray and quickly made sure before I hit the bed to get some dosage in. Good night folks, Till tomorrow!

Well Top of the morning to you! The sun is shining the sky is blue and I feel fine! - Yippee! Last night myself and my partner went to the races. We were invited as guests of our national broadcaster in Ireland http://www.rte.ie/. One of my class mates from my Masters in Marketing invited me along as he works in the online end of things and we will hopefully swing some business his way soon. They really put on a good spread - free bar all night (of course I don't drink anymore since I am TTC - been a teetotaller since January 2009). There was a Summer buffet with all you can eat ( had two mini tiramasu) and finally they gave us 20 euros of complimentary bets along with a professional tipster. It was fun!

I got off to a good start when Race 1 - Lillie Langtry came in for me with a win. Then Race 2 - I was on a roll as Slieve Mish, my next bet, came in first place aswell. In the meantime, my partner is losing everything! Then on Race 3 - when I placed a winner - I decided to get out - 30 euros up. Of course, men just don't know when to hold em and fold em and my partner, kept going for the next race, hoping for a win and losing it all!

Got home early after watching the Coronas (Irish band) play. When we got home, I packed all my clothes for the wedding as we are driving straight to Kilkenny from work this evening. I'm looking forward to it - although playing a the harp at the wedding - We're staying at a nice 4 star boutique hotel tonight for 89 euros and tomorrow at the wedding hotel which is pricey (170 euros)

I'm a little nervous about the harp.... It is an extra burden making sure its in tune, and then hoping it stays in tune (because when you move it anywhere - it gets all temperamental and moody and doesn't like extremes hot or cold! I remember one time doing a show with my band www.myspace.com/gaelslimusic in a cave in Germany called balve hohle http://www.balver-hoehle.de/ and the harp just kept dropping out of tune. The cave was soooo cold!!

But a fantastic backdrop to do a show! A natural amphitheatre. It will remain in my memory. It was so nerve wracking! Anyhow, the weather is supposed to be fab this weekend so I'm happy for my friends to get some nice weather in which to get married! Nothing beats a good ole Irish wedding.

So this morning called the clinic and told them my Aunt flo is now making a proper appearance and I've to book a scan on Monday morning to decide if I'm starting on the IVF meds. Fingers crossed. I feel pretty good at present - I mean the Suprecur nasal spray was supposed to make me go through the mini menopause or "mini-meno" as I've been calling it affectionately. But not a sausage. I feel pretty darn good!!! Mind over matter! The birth control pill was the hardest as it made me feel nauseous.

I meant to say since I watched "the Secret" on Monday, I've been doing some of the visualisations and exercises. This month, I'm absolutely broke what with - fertility treatment costs, meds, car insurance, car tax and my partners birthday present - all coming at once. Also our income taxes have been increased in Ireland and my take home pay is rapidly dissipating! My overdraft is pushed to the limit! Anyhow, there I am on my final 10 euros which I've to last on until 20th August. Then the following morning I get my first gift of money - my job are going to refund me my first year's masters course costs in my next paycheck! Yippee! I also let out a house for a friend and got 700 dollars cheque! "The secret" talks about this about how money can come to you if you just visualise it. But of course, you have to put the work in!

Now here's hoping this baby (or babies!) is on the way - making its(their) way towards me!
So anyhow, time to go and wish everyone a fantastic weekend! Do something lovely - go for a nice walk, nourish your soul!

Lotsa love Cherrygo!

Aunt Flo is late for a v. important date!

Well officially I'm not starting my ivf cycle yet. Got a call from my very friendly nurse to tell me that my estradiol is still too high and my lining too thick. In fact, I'm still waiting on my Aunt Flo to arrive. She is seriously late for her appointment now. This girl is keeping me waiting!
Obstinate just like my baby of the future! A headstrong little MISS!

This morning got up bright and breezy for my acupuncture appointment - the fact the morning was really bright and sunny helped immensely. Anyhow, I arrive in and tell my acupuncturist about the fact that my period is failing to show and that I can't start stimulation until then. She immediately states she will do her best to make it arrive, In fact the treatment session is really painful. I found the points that she stimulated very sensitive. Both points between my thumb and my fingers are extremely sore to touch after the acupuncture. In fact as I type this, it is hard to type and my left thumb area is all swollen with fluid. Now I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced such a reaction to acupuncture - but this is certainly the first time for me. My acupuncturist just said I was really sensitive - but I'm starting to have doubts about this treatment - it is certainly NOT relaxing. Perhaps 5 elements is not for me. And I'm paying 105 euro per session for this! I might have to rethink. In the meantime, Aunt flow still isn't arriving all day. She is cramping slightly - but nothing too effecting.

Well last night I had two friends around - it was a lovely evening. I'm making a distinct effort to hang out with friends.

I cooked a nice veggie curry with wild rice and brown rice and some spinach salad with blueberry vinagrette. Then the piece de la resistance was my bread and butter pudding (old Irish recipe) and it was piping hot with melting ice cream and fresh raspberries. The whole thing went swimmingly well. In fact, I think I might give Gordon Ramsey a run for his money...and I even sometimes curse as much as him! It was good to catch up and go for a walk down the pier and just relax. Got to bed quite late and watched an episode of SATC (Sex and the city). Seriously, girls - I never tire of this programme. I've probably seen some episodes 3/4 times and I still get a giggle. Classic. Well folks, tonight I'm practicing my harp and yes, dying my hair....I know its a NO-NO, but I'm using a natural dye from naturtint. I just can't stand the greys! Salt n pepper is just not a good look on me! So that's me in a nutshell. Oh yes and I intend to walk the pier and watch the tide go in and out to the sounds of my ipod. Catch you later

The long holiday weekend has come and gone. Why oh why does time fly when you're having fun! This morning had my CD (cycle day 1) scan. I had stopped taking my birth control pill on friday and found that Aunt Flow is just not arriving. She is simply spotting. She refuses to flow. She is having a hissy fit. So naturally, the scan revealed my lining is a little thick - around 6mm. But they reckon if my estradiol is low enough - they'll start stimulating my ovaries. Otherwise, if AF is still playing difficult, I'm in a holding pattern before I land for a few more days. Yippee!

So we got out bill for IVF - €4950 in total. I noticed they added in 'Assisted Hatching' which was an extra €220.... I asked the girl about this and she said the doctors must feel I need this. Hmmm....would it be something to do with my age? I then had this vision - of a little yellow bird sitting on my eggs on a bed of straw to assist them to hatch.....I must admit it did make me smile.

Spent over 400 euros on our EU bloods. This is so ridiculous - as if IVF is not expensive enough. I mean if the EU want us to take these Hepatitis C tests - why don't they make them FREE? Why should we pay this amount of money for 2 blood tests that mean nothing to us or help with our diagnosis? It makes my blood boil - but EU law is EU law.

Well I'm here back at my desk, just after sniffing my Suprecor Nasal Spray - A colleague asked me what it was I was breathing and I said it was for my sinuses! You gotta be creative when it comes to IVF excuses! Ah I'm becoming very good at little 'white lies' for this IVF. I don't know how many dental appointments I've had or late lunches with friends to meet. This is the hard part, trying to keep your work ticking over whilst you go for scans (without having your boss become suspicious). Of course, it would help stupendously if I was a "lady who lunches". Ah to be supported into the style I was accustomed. My partners thinks I'd be bored if I stepped off the corporate ladder. I think I'd be fine with arts and crafts and coffee mornings and actual time for the gym! I read a book about getting pregnant after 40 and this woman gave up her job...which she says really is the 'only way'. And my friend who lost her job, found that doing DIY around the house and being a chilled out stay at home woman helped her conceive twice....Well unless I win the Lotto - it ain't happening!

Had a lovely weekend - it must be said. Although on Saturday, it was tough. I cleaned my house from top to bottom. You know one of those cleans that takes the entire day (throwing out all the junk etc...) Met two friends that evening for Thai dinner. This friend is also going through the TTC (trying to conceive) phase as well hitting the big 40. She and I have great chats. It really does help to have a friend who you can chat things over with. She is at the 'trying naturally stage' along with acupuncture but is starting to realise this could take 12 months. Sunday - went shopping for a new suit in the Kildare Designer outlets with partner. Well actually I had to go shopping myself as it turns out NONE of my wedding outfits fit me any longer! I mean I've put on half a stone since I started Infertility treatments. That's not a lot of weight - but the area I notice it most is my breasts. My partner, thinks it's great. But well, I'm not too happy as I now approach a C cup! I used to be a lovely "pert" but "curvy" B cup and now becoming a "droopy and "overflowing" C MUG. Argh.....and people pay for THIS with implants! Tried on a lovely Karen Millen dress (200 euros) and my partner liked it. But I felt totally uncomfortable with my two ladies half hanging out saying hello to the male world. Even when I was 25 I never wore low cut tops, so I don't think I'll start now! Maybe when I'm with child - I'll be all earth mother..... and happy to show them off. Anyhow, got a lovely dress for 63 euro reduced from 225. So happy days. The wedding is next weekend and I'm playing harp at it. Gosh, I've hardly done any rehearsal.....and i've loads to rehearse before the church.

Yesterday, was quite chilled out. Went over to a friends house to watch "the Secret" - DVD. Usually this friend has gatherings every 3 months - where we all get inspired. We call it Women's inspiration night. Whether that's for a business idea, read out a passage of an inspiring book, or just to air something that is on your mind - You should try it with a bunch of girls - its great fun. Last time I went, I sang two songs I wrote and someone else talked about her dream to meet the ONE. Everyone is so supportive - it's really great. And some good ideas do come out of these nights. So anyhow, we watched Rhonda Byrnes, "The secret". Feeling very inspired from it, so this morning I downloaded some morning affirmations....from www.thesecret.tv

I think these are from the writings of Charles larson (?) as far as I can remember:-

To be so strong that nothing disturbs my peace of mind
To talk health, happiness, prosperity with everyone I meet
To make all my friends feel there is something worthwhile in all of them
To look on the sunny side of things and make my optimism come true
To think only the best, to work my best and to expect only the best
To be just as enthusiastic for the success of others as myself
To forget the mistakes of the past, press onto the achievements of the future
To wear a cheerful expression at all times, and to give a smile to every living creature I meet
To give so much time to improve myself that I have no time to criticise others
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble
To think well of myself and to proclaim this to the world in good deeds to others
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side as long as I am true to the best I can be

Today is the beginning of my life
I am starting over today
I am grateful to be alive
I see beauty all around me
I live with passion and purpose
I take the time to laugh and play every day
I focus on all the good things in life
And give thanks for all of them
I feel the love, the joy and the abundance
I am free to be myself
I am magnificent in human form
I am so grateful to be me

I am going to try and use the Secret as part of my visualisations this month.

1. The Secret says firstly you should ASK the universe.
So I'm doing this I'm ASKING for a child.
2. The second step is to BELIEVE it to have happened.
So act as if it has happened. Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into believing it – do it. So I'm here imagining this bump is here. Sitting a little away from my computer, because I can't sit that close.

3. The third step is to RECEIVE - Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up.

So anyhow, that's my weekend in a nutshell. I don't start injections until either tomorrow or maybe the end of the week. Either way, the road to IVF is well and truly begun. Here's to a pothole free trek. Thanks for reading and have a fantastic week!! Today is the beginning of our futures!