The Health Service Executive (HSE) in ireland has stated they will only aid payment of IVF drugs on 3 IVF tries per woman. They are claiming this cutback is being made for health reasons for a woman (that she is put into danger of OHSS)
Currently on the drug payment scheme, IVF candidates pay around 100 euros maximum per cycle. Now a woman is only allowed subsidies of her drugs for IVF for 3 goes.
However this means if a woman goes for IVF #4 in Ireland, it will add 2500-3000 onto her cycle costs as the HSE will not fund her beyond the 3 cycles. Please help and sign the petition on the link below - I think they need 1000 signatures.
Thanks for listening
http://petitions.tigweb.org/HSEcutbacks?signedpetition=255805645
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
A new week - official second week wait
I had a lovely weekend - Saturday spent having a lovely lunch with friends ( I must admit - I sneaked one glass of champagne) and Sunday was spent "herding" with my dear partner.
Well folks this herding lark is more than I thought it would be. They have this technique whereby they place red dye under the male sheep (ram) so that when he hops on top of the female (ewe) to "do the business" he leaves a red mark and my partner then knows which sheep have had a good "seeing to". And apparently it only takes once to make sure that the female sheep is "up the duff" or preggers! Oh to be a sheep!
Also the ram does not go back for seconds - once he has had one - he moves swiftly onto the next bit of meat! Sounds like a lot of men I once knew!
As for me, I'm feeling pretty tired at the moment - my AF is due next week and I start the Birth control pill (BCP) then. Back to another cycle. I was just really enjoying this "break". But who knows, maybe by next Wednesday we'll have a BFP naturally. You have to have hope!
But I must say, you don't feel as tense about the month end as when you've paid 5k for a cycle or 1300 for an IUI cycle. You almost feel because you've paid out that money - that you HAVE to get a positive test. I physically and mentally hate to POAS (pee on a stick) as I really really wish our clinics would just do the blood test and take the tension off you. There was a really good programme on last week on radio about how unregulated fertility clinics are in Ireland - whereas in the US, they have a lot of standards to adhere to and the competition is fierce. Oh to have the money to do a cycle in the US. Perhaps if I win the Lotto. Another article in the paper stated that if IVF does not work after 3 goes, then it will never work. However I disagree, I see women finally achieve it after 7 cycles and I firmly believe that it is a woman's choice. Me personally I think I'd capped it at 3 goes and hopefully 3 FET cycles. Then I'll throw in the towel and embrace the au natural method until I'm the grand old age of 45. That's my plan anyhow.
Talk to you tomorrow. Must work. Cherrygo xx
Well folks this herding lark is more than I thought it would be. They have this technique whereby they place red dye under the male sheep (ram) so that when he hops on top of the female (ewe) to "do the business" he leaves a red mark and my partner then knows which sheep have had a good "seeing to". And apparently it only takes once to make sure that the female sheep is "up the duff" or preggers! Oh to be a sheep!
Also the ram does not go back for seconds - once he has had one - he moves swiftly onto the next bit of meat! Sounds like a lot of men I once knew!
As for me, I'm feeling pretty tired at the moment - my AF is due next week and I start the Birth control pill (BCP) then. Back to another cycle. I was just really enjoying this "break". But who knows, maybe by next Wednesday we'll have a BFP naturally. You have to have hope!
But I must say, you don't feel as tense about the month end as when you've paid 5k for a cycle or 1300 for an IUI cycle. You almost feel because you've paid out that money - that you HAVE to get a positive test. I physically and mentally hate to POAS (pee on a stick) as I really really wish our clinics would just do the blood test and take the tension off you. There was a really good programme on last week on radio about how unregulated fertility clinics are in Ireland - whereas in the US, they have a lot of standards to adhere to and the competition is fierce. Oh to have the money to do a cycle in the US. Perhaps if I win the Lotto. Another article in the paper stated that if IVF does not work after 3 goes, then it will never work. However I disagree, I see women finally achieve it after 7 cycles and I firmly believe that it is a woman's choice. Me personally I think I'd capped it at 3 goes and hopefully 3 FET cycles. Then I'll throw in the towel and embrace the au natural method until I'm the grand old age of 45. That's my plan anyhow.
Talk to you tomorrow. Must work. Cherrygo xx
Friday, 25 September 2009
Welcome to the weekend
Well folks, the weekend is finally here. I just love a Friday - the feeling of the two days off stretching out ahead of you - long sleep ins and candle lit baths to die for. I've nothing too crazy planned - except lunch with my college friends in Roly's bistro (tres posh) on Saturday. Then on Sunday, my partner wants me to go "herding" with him. For those of you who don't know what herding is - it's basically moving the sheep around fields - so they don't eat the field "dry" of grass!!
I'm becoming a farmer in me old age. There is so much more to farming than just leaving the animals to eat grass and then killing them for meat. They have to get manicured - (yup, their feet need to be scrubbed and cut and pedicured to stop diseases developing there), they get their shots, they even get haircuts (In the Summer).
So that's me for the weekend - nothing too hectic and nothing too insane. Gone are the days when I used to measure my weekend by the amount of drinks I had (and how many boys I kissed)!! Those were my heady days. I've certainly partied enough to allow me to enjoy this settling down phase. Alright I know, it took me until 38 to figure out it was time I settled down, but I have to say I partied like a rock star! Gigged around the world, made friends in many cities, got into some fixes (and got out again) and they all make for some great memories.
I must tell you of them sometime.
Sometime.
Have a great weekend Cherrygo xx
I'm becoming a farmer in me old age. There is so much more to farming than just leaving the animals to eat grass and then killing them for meat. They have to get manicured - (yup, their feet need to be scrubbed and cut and pedicured to stop diseases developing there), they get their shots, they even get haircuts (In the Summer).
So that's me for the weekend - nothing too hectic and nothing too insane. Gone are the days when I used to measure my weekend by the amount of drinks I had (and how many boys I kissed)!! Those were my heady days. I've certainly partied enough to allow me to enjoy this settling down phase. Alright I know, it took me until 38 to figure out it was time I settled down, but I have to say I partied like a rock star! Gigged around the world, made friends in many cities, got into some fixes (and got out again) and they all make for some great memories.
I must tell you of them sometime.
Sometime.
Have a great weekend Cherrygo xx
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Arthur Guinness is 250 years old today
Well the funeral went off nicely. It was a calm peaceful day in Shillelagh (Co Wicklow) where my partner's uncle got buried. His final resting place overlooking (one of 3 Cork trees in Ireland) and a view of a beautiful patchwork quilt with fields of green and gold.
I made sure I kissed my partner's uncle in the funeral home and asked him for a little wish - (guess what that was!!) Funnily my lipstick left a little mark on his forehead ( he would've have loved this as he loved women!).
Today is Arthur Guinness (or Guinness 250th Anniversary) and to celebrate at 17.59pm (the year Guinness was born) concerts are happening all over Dublin - Tom Jones is singing in a small medieval bar in Dublin called the Brazen Head, Razorlight in Vicar Street and apparently Beyonce and the Back Eyed peas will be singing somewhere to celebrate Guinness 250th Birthday. So anyhow at 17.59 pints of guinness are reduced to the price of 2.50 worldwide - so that the biggest toast in the world can happen. My old classmates from college are heading to the pub at 5pm so I think (even though I'm now a drop-out) - I will have to come along for the "craic!"
So anyhow, now I'm in the official (second week wait) 2ww - following our au naturale month.! Wouldn't it be a surprise if it happened naturally! Well blog you will be the first to know!! Come on BFP - this is exciting as it's my first time since May - that I have been trying naturally as it's been IUI and IVFs.....As I sit here drinking my raspberry leaf tea and hoping my system wants this baby as much as I do.
Must dash back to work. Talk to you tomorrow. xx Cherrygo
I made sure I kissed my partner's uncle in the funeral home and asked him for a little wish - (guess what that was!!) Funnily my lipstick left a little mark on his forehead ( he would've have loved this as he loved women!).
Today is Arthur Guinness (or Guinness 250th Anniversary) and to celebrate at 17.59pm (the year Guinness was born) concerts are happening all over Dublin - Tom Jones is singing in a small medieval bar in Dublin called the Brazen Head, Razorlight in Vicar Street and apparently Beyonce and the Back Eyed peas will be singing somewhere to celebrate Guinness 250th Birthday. So anyhow at 17.59 pints of guinness are reduced to the price of 2.50 worldwide - so that the biggest toast in the world can happen. My old classmates from college are heading to the pub at 5pm so I think (even though I'm now a drop-out) - I will have to come along for the "craic!"
So anyhow, now I'm in the official (second week wait) 2ww - following our au naturale month.! Wouldn't it be a surprise if it happened naturally! Well blog you will be the first to know!! Come on BFP - this is exciting as it's my first time since May - that I have been trying naturally as it's been IUI and IVFs.....As I sit here drinking my raspberry leaf tea and hoping my system wants this baby as much as I do.
Must dash back to work. Talk to you tomorrow. xx Cherrygo
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Saying Goodbye and helping each other
Today is Wednesday, am I've taken the day off work to attend my partner's uncle's funeral. It's nice to have a day off mid week - breaks up the week. College started up last night and I miss not being with my class mates. But this is a small sacrifice as the stress is just too much and I need to keep zen in my TTC journey. Myself and all my classmates are all going out on Saturday for lunch. I really wish that the first IVF had worked as I would've gone back to college and be graduating in Feb 2010. Now, god knows when I'll finish this masters. All i've left is just one semester and my thesis. I'm going to try and do some reading while I'm off an get some of my thesis done on this break.
Well I tried to do my OPK last night and the stick had obviously lost its goodness as no line appeared even on the control area. Mind you I felt the twinges of ovulation on my right hand side. So my dh and I made sure we baby danced last night and this morning. It's fun just doing it without thinking of drugs etc., I wish we could just do this for a few years and take our time enjoying each other. But them's the breaks of being an older gal! I really like the attitude of the Secret to aging. They basically say, when it's your 50th birthday, don't put 50 candles on the cake - put just one candle. As our body renews itself every 3 months - so you're really just as old as you feel. I'm convinced this positive mental attitude will fend off body diseases. The Secret talks about society seeing getting old as getting more aged, in other words - we feel we are old because we are told we are OLD. The same with doctors talking about aging eggs - they say your eggs are old now - or you are too old to have a baby - you need Donor eggs. The more they say this to you - the more you think it's right. Half the battle is the positive mind - the positive faith. That can cure anything! I also wish that when I go to the fertility clinic - they put together a diet and a supplement for you - a holistic look at fertility - rather than a drug methodology.
The more I think about it - the more I want to put together a group here in Dublin - of girls trying to conceive so that we can help each other out. Sandy Robertson's book spoke about how the group for over 40's all helped each other become pregnant - and as one became pregnant -it would spur the others on and encourage them.
Well, the sun has just come out and I have to get ready for this funeral. I'm glad Jimmy got a nice day to say goodbye.
Goodbye Jimmy and rest in peace and have some fun there!
Cherrygo...xx
Well I tried to do my OPK last night and the stick had obviously lost its goodness as no line appeared even on the control area. Mind you I felt the twinges of ovulation on my right hand side. So my dh and I made sure we baby danced last night and this morning. It's fun just doing it without thinking of drugs etc., I wish we could just do this for a few years and take our time enjoying each other. But them's the breaks of being an older gal! I really like the attitude of the Secret to aging. They basically say, when it's your 50th birthday, don't put 50 candles on the cake - put just one candle. As our body renews itself every 3 months - so you're really just as old as you feel. I'm convinced this positive mental attitude will fend off body diseases. The Secret talks about society seeing getting old as getting more aged, in other words - we feel we are old because we are told we are OLD. The same with doctors talking about aging eggs - they say your eggs are old now - or you are too old to have a baby - you need Donor eggs. The more they say this to you - the more you think it's right. Half the battle is the positive mind - the positive faith. That can cure anything! I also wish that when I go to the fertility clinic - they put together a diet and a supplement for you - a holistic look at fertility - rather than a drug methodology.
The more I think about it - the more I want to put together a group here in Dublin - of girls trying to conceive so that we can help each other out. Sandy Robertson's book spoke about how the group for over 40's all helped each other become pregnant - and as one became pregnant -it would spur the others on and encourage them.
Well, the sun has just come out and I have to get ready for this funeral. I'm glad Jimmy got a nice day to say goodbye.
Goodbye Jimmy and rest in peace and have some fun there!
Cherrygo...xx
Monday, 21 September 2009
Monday evening blues
Well the weekend came and went in a whirl. Saturday and most of Sunday was spent painting trying to get my house into show home condition.
In the meantime, on the fertility front, I've been doing my OPK's (Ovulation Prediction Kits) and no sign as yet of the double pink line telling me to BABY DANCE. Mind, you we've been baby dancing like billyo - pulling all kinds of Saturday night fever moves!. It's kind of hard to know when my period truly arrived as there was spotting for a day or two. So I'm guessing tonight could be day 12 (and still nothing.).
But possibly all the drugs are interfering with the ovulation or else I'm having some sort of panic that at the big 40, you don't ovulate EVERY month? But I've got all the signs - The cervical mucus has increased and is starting to get sticky and looking like egg white. I've also got the thundering headache which signals hormonal changes.
Just got some bad news tonight. My partner's uncle died of cancer - it was a fairly long battle. It's sad to see old people leave the world almost as they come into the world - like babies - unable to look after themselves. So this evening I'm sure will be an emotional one in my house. One door opens and another one closes.
Last night as I was falling asleep I told my partner I really want the privilege to pass on all I've learnt to a little son or daughter.
I truly do.
In the meantime, on the fertility front, I've been doing my OPK's (Ovulation Prediction Kits) and no sign as yet of the double pink line telling me to BABY DANCE. Mind, you we've been baby dancing like billyo - pulling all kinds of Saturday night fever moves!. It's kind of hard to know when my period truly arrived as there was spotting for a day or two. So I'm guessing tonight could be day 12 (and still nothing.).
But possibly all the drugs are interfering with the ovulation or else I'm having some sort of panic that at the big 40, you don't ovulate EVERY month? But I've got all the signs - The cervical mucus has increased and is starting to get sticky and looking like egg white. I've also got the thundering headache which signals hormonal changes.
Just got some bad news tonight. My partner's uncle died of cancer - it was a fairly long battle. It's sad to see old people leave the world almost as they come into the world - like babies - unable to look after themselves. So this evening I'm sure will be an emotional one in my house. One door opens and another one closes.
Last night as I was falling asleep I told my partner I really want the privilege to pass on all I've learnt to a little son or daughter.
I truly do.
Friday, 18 September 2009
The Baby Recipe
Well top of a Friday morning. I'm already getting that Friday BUZZ
The last few days - I've made a lot of progress. I'm feeling a lot more tuned into my positive channel again. I'm feeling extremely buzzed about our "au natural" month. It's good to be not taking drugs and just not caring about anything. It's good to feel ALIVE again and not a walking injection! Though I said to my partner this morning, I really don't mind all the drugs, they're fine - they're not bad at all. In fact, they make me feel like I'm doing something to help!
Also I've been listening to "The Secret" every morning driving in my car. So for now, I'm believing I am pregnant. Yes, that's one of the things you must do in "The Secret" - believe that it has already been received and that you are grateful and happy for it. So that's what I'm doing. I'm behaving as if I am (as we say in dublin) "up the duff!" I need to believe with every fibre of my being. Now, that's the hard part, practising make believe.
Now, all myself and my partner need to do is enjoy some "baby dancing"...in order for it to happen. And.......that won't be too much of a chore. So this weekend is lining up as
Day 10 (Fri)
Day 11(sat),
Day 12(sun),
Day 13(Mon),
Day 14 (Tue) - these are the days to go for it!!
I've been taking all my supplements - here's a list of my morning pills. I'm the queen of pillpopping!
Co10 Co-enzyme 10 (2 a day)
Chlorella (superfood) (up to 6 per day)
Udo's oil, omega, 3, 6 and 9 (3 x 3 times per day)
My usual multivitamin (one per day)
400 mg Folic Acid (one per day)
Natural iron sachets ( 2 per day for my anemia and to prevent it)
Baby aspirin (one 75mg per day)
Royal Jelly (one per day)
(I actually stopped the DHEA as I'm really frightened of this as it's a hormone...)
Chinese herbs:
Nuan Gong Yun Zi Wan ( apparently these chinese herbs warm the uterus/womb - and this appears to be my problem - I think as to why my 2 little embies didn't take there)
Ren Shen Gui Pi Wan (mainly consists of Ginseng and helps to tone the blood)
Fu Ke Yang Rong (nourishes Yin apparently!)
Do I feel any better? Well not sure yet. The other day I bought an online book for 50 dollars ("the pregnancy miracle" by Lisa Olson.) I know I'm a SUCKER with a capital S!! It was one of those spur of the moment decisions. I suppose I know an awful lot about fertility now. I really should start a fertility workshop here in Ireland. Get some ladies together to support and help each other....hmmmm ideas...
It pretty much tells you what most the other books do tell you - but interestingly includes sections on doing acupressure yourself on your body on various points. This part really interests me - as I hate having to spend 80-100 euros on an acupuncture session and I really want to know which points they are using and why. This book has an entire section with points. So I found that really useful. It is pretty expensive for 50 dollars - and not really worth it - so seriously don't buy it! To be fair, It is fairly comprehensive and to be honest - if you were to buy all the supplements - it would cost the same as an IUI!! I know my supplements are about 100 euros per month. But I suppose I don't drink, so they're my alcohol!
So folks, it's another weekend and the sun failed to come out all week. We were supposed to have a week of sunshine - but somehow clouds conspired to blow across to us from Europe. So anyway, have a great weekend - mine is going to be spent painting my house tomorrow. In 2 weeks time, it's on the market. I'll be selling my house....There's no point in me and my partner having two houses and all the extra expense. So mine is being sold. Wish me Luck!
The last few days - I've made a lot of progress. I'm feeling a lot more tuned into my positive channel again. I'm feeling extremely buzzed about our "au natural" month. It's good to be not taking drugs and just not caring about anything. It's good to feel ALIVE again and not a walking injection! Though I said to my partner this morning, I really don't mind all the drugs, they're fine - they're not bad at all. In fact, they make me feel like I'm doing something to help!
Also I've been listening to "The Secret" every morning driving in my car. So for now, I'm believing I am pregnant. Yes, that's one of the things you must do in "The Secret" - believe that it has already been received and that you are grateful and happy for it. So that's what I'm doing. I'm behaving as if I am (as we say in dublin) "up the duff!" I need to believe with every fibre of my being. Now, that's the hard part, practising make believe.
Now, all myself and my partner need to do is enjoy some "baby dancing"...in order for it to happen. And.......that won't be too much of a chore. So this weekend is lining up as
Day 10 (Fri)
Day 11(sat),
Day 12(sun),
Day 13(Mon),
Day 14 (Tue) - these are the days to go for it!!
I've been taking all my supplements - here's a list of my morning pills. I'm the queen of pillpopping!
Co10 Co-enzyme 10 (2 a day)
Chlorella (superfood) (up to 6 per day)
Udo's oil, omega, 3, 6 and 9 (3 x 3 times per day)
My usual multivitamin (one per day)
400 mg Folic Acid (one per day)
Natural iron sachets ( 2 per day for my anemia and to prevent it)
Baby aspirin (one 75mg per day)
Royal Jelly (one per day)
(I actually stopped the DHEA as I'm really frightened of this as it's a hormone...)
Chinese herbs:
Nuan Gong Yun Zi Wan ( apparently these chinese herbs warm the uterus/womb - and this appears to be my problem - I think as to why my 2 little embies didn't take there)
Ren Shen Gui Pi Wan (mainly consists of Ginseng and helps to tone the blood)
Fu Ke Yang Rong (nourishes Yin apparently!)
Do I feel any better? Well not sure yet. The other day I bought an online book for 50 dollars ("the pregnancy miracle" by Lisa Olson.) I know I'm a SUCKER with a capital S!! It was one of those spur of the moment decisions. I suppose I know an awful lot about fertility now. I really should start a fertility workshop here in Ireland. Get some ladies together to support and help each other....hmmmm ideas...
It pretty much tells you what most the other books do tell you - but interestingly includes sections on doing acupressure yourself on your body on various points. This part really interests me - as I hate having to spend 80-100 euros on an acupuncture session and I really want to know which points they are using and why. This book has an entire section with points. So I found that really useful. It is pretty expensive for 50 dollars - and not really worth it - so seriously don't buy it! To be fair, It is fairly comprehensive and to be honest - if you were to buy all the supplements - it would cost the same as an IUI!! I know my supplements are about 100 euros per month. But I suppose I don't drink, so they're my alcohol!
So folks, it's another weekend and the sun failed to come out all week. We were supposed to have a week of sunshine - but somehow clouds conspired to blow across to us from Europe. So anyway, have a great weekend - mine is going to be spent painting my house tomorrow. In 2 weeks time, it's on the market. I'll be selling my house....There's no point in me and my partner having two houses and all the extra expense. So mine is being sold. Wish me Luck!
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
The Secret of the Secret
Well woke up this morning and once again find myself obsessed with finding the positive side of things. I got a call from my clinic this morning - to tell me the Doctor is happy for me to go ahead with my Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). They wanted me to start my down regulation on day 21 of this cycle but I decided we really wanted this month to go au natural! I told the nurse, that we really wanted this month drug free - she agreed. So I'm now on the long protocol for my FET and won't be doing my embryo transfer until November 12th. So it's the usual thing, back on the birth control pill on my next period and then on day 21 of the cycle, I start the sniffer dog nasal spray and then I start scans and then of course the embryo go in around thurs nov 12th. I would much much prefer a natural cycle - where they track my body and the embryos are placed in at the exact time after ovulation - which then ensures less chemicals and hormones in my body. But typically as I said to my partner tonight - in the clinics in Ireland here - it's all about THEM not me. They don't want me to ovulate naturally - as this could happen on a weekend. Shock! Horror! And then they'd have to pay staff to come in on the weekend. Oh so, please, please dear universe and God, try and give us a natural conception this month. According to the secret, I HAVE To believe. I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I have to believe it to be true and it will be true. I'm trying it. I apparently cannot send mixed messages, I have to totally 110% believe. So yes, I do believe. It WILL happen. I know it's on its way.
Are you convinced yet universe?
Are you convinced yet universe?
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
The fertility diet
So here I am again, just as my AF ends, getting stuck into health eating mode. Thinking about my diet - trying to put in foods that will help my body work better. I suppose in the end, whatever happens (babywise) I'll be way more healthier. In fact, now I no longer drink tea, coffee and alchohol, I must be really really healthy! Okay, I had the odd sip of wine to taste my partners glass or at the wedding I allowed myself two drinks. But otherwise, I'm pretty much alcohol free.
Every day has become a digestive grind: making sure I eat my berries, porridge, no tea or coffee and keeping it healthy and wholesome as well as drinking the water and taking my daily vitamin supplements of Omega 3,6,9, co10 (co-enzyme 10), Royal jelly, and my multi-vitamin.
The jury is still out on DHEA. Although the studies show better response rates in IVF with women over 40 and taking DHEA - I still feel it's another hormone and it's all about balancing the hormones.
DHEA is illegal to sell in Ireland - so I got my Dad to get me two months supply in the US. I'm kind of afraid of taking this hormone - despite that it appears to help women over the age of 40 and their fertility. Afraid I'll suddenly morph into a man with a deepening voice and acne! So I think I'll just take one 25mg capsule today. I'll keep the dosage low - so to be on the safe side. So we'll see how I feel after two weeks of the DHEA - whether to keep it up!
Otherwise, just trying to eat the good stuff. I went into a chinese the other day (as my partner wanted prawn stir fry and asked them if there was any dish that doesn't have msg in it. And the answer I got was No, it's in everything - sauces, the meats are marinaded in it and the veg are full of it). Well, that's made my decision - no more chinese takeways. I look at my partner's mother - who had children right up until she was 48 years old (she gave birth at 48 to a healthy girl) and her diet was just very simple. Potato, meat (from the farm), and vegetables grown from the farm. Nothing too exotic - just a simple meat and three veg diet. Of course, she didn't smoke or drink ever and that all helps egg quality. So I'm using her as my template!!
If I can keep this healthy eating for as many years now into my 40's - I can possibly stop the aging process (or at least slow it down). Keep it simple. At the very least, I'll be the picture of health. They have a saying in the computer language (GIGO) Garbage in and garbage out and I'm using that for my diet programme.
Anytime I feel like a bad snack - I think GIGO.....to stop myself. Although last Thursday I "fell off the wagon" and had a Burger King and some crisps (chips in americanese!). Oh well, I guess you have to allow yourself some vice's - some of the time. It's all about balance. Yin and Yang as the chinese put it.
See you soon. Cherrygo
Every day has become a digestive grind: making sure I eat my berries, porridge, no tea or coffee and keeping it healthy and wholesome as well as drinking the water and taking my daily vitamin supplements of Omega 3,6,9, co10 (co-enzyme 10), Royal jelly, and my multi-vitamin.
The jury is still out on DHEA. Although the studies show better response rates in IVF with women over 40 and taking DHEA - I still feel it's another hormone and it's all about balancing the hormones.
DHEA is illegal to sell in Ireland - so I got my Dad to get me two months supply in the US. I'm kind of afraid of taking this hormone - despite that it appears to help women over the age of 40 and their fertility. Afraid I'll suddenly morph into a man with a deepening voice and acne! So I think I'll just take one 25mg capsule today. I'll keep the dosage low - so to be on the safe side. So we'll see how I feel after two weeks of the DHEA - whether to keep it up!
Otherwise, just trying to eat the good stuff. I went into a chinese the other day (as my partner wanted prawn stir fry and asked them if there was any dish that doesn't have msg in it. And the answer I got was No, it's in everything - sauces, the meats are marinaded in it and the veg are full of it). Well, that's made my decision - no more chinese takeways. I look at my partner's mother - who had children right up until she was 48 years old (she gave birth at 48 to a healthy girl) and her diet was just very simple. Potato, meat (from the farm), and vegetables grown from the farm. Nothing too exotic - just a simple meat and three veg diet. Of course, she didn't smoke or drink ever and that all helps egg quality. So I'm using her as my template!!
If I can keep this healthy eating for as many years now into my 40's - I can possibly stop the aging process (or at least slow it down). Keep it simple. At the very least, I'll be the picture of health. They have a saying in the computer language (GIGO) Garbage in and garbage out and I'm using that for my diet programme.
Anytime I feel like a bad snack - I think GIGO.....to stop myself. Although last Thursday I "fell off the wagon" and had a Burger King and some crisps (chips in americanese!). Oh well, I guess you have to allow yourself some vice's - some of the time. It's all about balance. Yin and Yang as the chinese put it.
See you soon. Cherrygo
Monday, 14 September 2009
A wedding in County Antrim
Well I had a lovely weekend was lovely - weather was fantastic and the sun shone in a crystal clear blue sky. We drove up to County Antrim on Friday and it took about 3.5 hours driving in the heat of the car, because my partners AC was not working. When I arrived at the church for the rehearsal, I met the other members of the string quartet and we rehearsed Canon in D by Pachebel, which sounded pretty fantastic. It is lovely playing with strings and the harp sits very nicely in the ensemble. After the rehearsal, we checked into our hotel - Galgorm Manor Resort and Spa. It was so beautiful there. A long green treelined driveway leads to the houses. These old manor houses have been built around Galgorm river which has a waterfall right behind the Grand Hall window - so whilst the top table were eating their dinner, they had a waterfall as their backdrop. There is such attention to detail as this resort has beautiful furniture and finish throughout.
My partner and I had a fab little suite - with a deep bath (with golden legs and a seat), LCD TVs, marble bathrooms and its own decking leading out towards the river, which you could hear as you fell into a slumber. The wedding itself went fine - quite a sombre affair with very little light-hearted humour, but I guess every religion looks at the wedding ceremony differently. After playing at the ceremony, I quickly rushed back to play the harp at the entrance steps to the Manor, so I'd be there to greet them when they arrived in with some Irish music. I made sure I was getting the sun on my back. I treated myself to a little glass of Pimms (Old english cocktail which they drink at Wimbledon) and then my partner came over with a glass of champagne).
These were my two drinks for the day as I really don't want to jeopardise my health and (my eggs) by having a mad drinking session! Anyhow, I truly think I've lost the taste for alcohol. It is kind of weird being at an Irish wedding and having everyone else get nice and tipsy.
Finished playing the harp at 5pm and packed it up by 5.30pm. Phew, I could then finally relax. The bride and groom presented me with flowers for playing the harp, so it was well worth the effort.
Yesterday, myself and my partner got up early as he had to get home to Wicklow to start making hay! I decided to go with him. So he got into the tractor and "made hay" whilst I sat in the field on the grass, enjoying the country air and the sunshine. I just turned off for the day, reading and just enjoying being outdoors. We finished about 6.30pm and went home for dinner. Bed beckoned early and we hit the pillow at about 9.30pm. All in all, the weather has this profound effect on our mood - people smile at you and you smile back.
Let's hope it continues.
My partner and I had a fab little suite - with a deep bath (with golden legs and a seat), LCD TVs, marble bathrooms and its own decking leading out towards the river, which you could hear as you fell into a slumber. The wedding itself went fine - quite a sombre affair with very little light-hearted humour, but I guess every religion looks at the wedding ceremony differently. After playing at the ceremony, I quickly rushed back to play the harp at the entrance steps to the Manor, so I'd be there to greet them when they arrived in with some Irish music. I made sure I was getting the sun on my back. I treated myself to a little glass of Pimms (Old english cocktail which they drink at Wimbledon) and then my partner came over with a glass of champagne).
These were my two drinks for the day as I really don't want to jeopardise my health and (my eggs) by having a mad drinking session! Anyhow, I truly think I've lost the taste for alcohol. It is kind of weird being at an Irish wedding and having everyone else get nice and tipsy.
Finished playing the harp at 5pm and packed it up by 5.30pm. Phew, I could then finally relax. The bride and groom presented me with flowers for playing the harp, so it was well worth the effort.
Yesterday, myself and my partner got up early as he had to get home to Wicklow to start making hay! I decided to go with him. So he got into the tractor and "made hay" whilst I sat in the field on the grass, enjoying the country air and the sunshine. I just turned off for the day, reading and just enjoying being outdoors. We finished about 6.30pm and went home for dinner. Bed beckoned early and we hit the pillow at about 9.30pm. All in all, the weather has this profound effect on our mood - people smile at you and you smile back.
Let's hope it continues.
Friday, 11 September 2009
To be healthy or not to be healthy - that is the question
well another day, another dollar - or another euro.
Heading off to that wedding together today at midday.
Cramps from AF last night were so bad I had to get up in the middle of the night. Also the flow is quite heavy - but I expect that is after the Aspirin. Been dosing myself with Lemsip flu remedy as feeling pretty fluey. My partner thinks its swine flu...(drama King!) but I know it's just a little head cold. My system goes totally down when I get my period - for some reason. This is always the time I get sick!
Well not much to say - except I will allow myself two glasses of Kir Royale (Champagne and creme de cassis on top) tomorrow - otherwise I have no intention of polluting my body with alchohol. My partner thinks I should just let loose - but I really don't feel like I want to step backwards.
I truly think that alcohol helps your body age and the name of the game for me now is to stop this process for as long as I can - for as long as I'm trying to have a baby.
So, I try and drink 2 litres of water a day, eat fruit and veg and avoid processed or Msg foods.
I don't know if all this helps, but I do know I feel healthier and the thoughts of a "caffeine buzz or a "hangover truly" don't appeal to me. My eyes are clearer, my skin is better and I definitely feel better off coffee, tea and alcohol.
So, where am I now?
Trying to regroup.
I'll let you know when I get there. Have a great weekend.
xx cherrygo
Heading off to that wedding together today at midday.
Cramps from AF last night were so bad I had to get up in the middle of the night. Also the flow is quite heavy - but I expect that is after the Aspirin. Been dosing myself with Lemsip flu remedy as feeling pretty fluey. My partner thinks its swine flu...(drama King!) but I know it's just a little head cold. My system goes totally down when I get my period - for some reason. This is always the time I get sick!
Well not much to say - except I will allow myself two glasses of Kir Royale (Champagne and creme de cassis on top) tomorrow - otherwise I have no intention of polluting my body with alchohol. My partner thinks I should just let loose - but I really don't feel like I want to step backwards.
I truly think that alcohol helps your body age and the name of the game for me now is to stop this process for as long as I can - for as long as I'm trying to have a baby.
So, I try and drink 2 litres of water a day, eat fruit and veg and avoid processed or Msg foods.
I don't know if all this helps, but I do know I feel healthier and the thoughts of a "caffeine buzz or a "hangover truly" don't appeal to me. My eyes are clearer, my skin is better and I definitely feel better off coffee, tea and alcohol.
So, where am I now?
Trying to regroup.
I'll let you know when I get there. Have a great weekend.
xx cherrygo
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Blue skies but a grey heart
Today is not a good day.
Don't get me wrong.
The sun is shining.
The Sky is a cobalt blue.
Ireland, in fact, appears to glimmer and shimmer
The Autumn leaves starting to appear
In fact the sky is so blue, some people are wondering where the sky has gone: A man rang a DJ on Ian Dempsey's radio show this morning saying his son (who is 2) asked him "where's the sky gone Dad?" So used had he become to our rainy grey skies over the Summer - he didn't recognise the blue sky.
But I just feel empty. And to top it all, I've a sore throat and the starting of a cold. I kept saying to my partner last night, I feel like I've broken up with someone. And he very accurately and ironically said "yes, you broke up with our three embryos". He kissed me and then stroked my head as if I was his child. He is, at the moment, my rock.
I, on the other hand, am trying to get "out" of "this". "This" being no-man's land. "This" being a feeling of disappointment. "This" being a lot of questions constantly being asked in my head.
I want to go back to enjoying all that I have and should be grateful for. One of the things my partner says attracted me to him is my positivity. But I can't seem to find it at the moment. But it does come back - I know that - as it's done that before.
Guess I can't be hard on myself - it's not even 3 days yet.
So we're expecting 24 degrees for the next few days.
And I'm off to a wedding on Friday in Northern Ireland in Galgorm Manor House and Spa (lots of awards for its spa). My partner is groomsman and I am, of course, playing harp again. This time, I'm singing "you raise me up". Alison has a string quarter aswell, so I get to play with them (This has always been a lifelong dream). I just hope I don't get all emotional singing the song. I'm also playing harp just before the dinner. Alison, the girl who is getting married has offered me a spa treatment for doing the music, but I've not accepted. I should really take her up on her offer.
So, for me, for now, I'm just going through the motions.
Getting through the day.
A least the sun is shining.
I'll go for a walk at lunchtime, put on my shades, listen to some music and be thankful that I get to enjoy this day and am alive and healthy.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I just have to keep reminding myself.
Don't get me wrong.
The sun is shining.
The Sky is a cobalt blue.
Ireland, in fact, appears to glimmer and shimmer
The Autumn leaves starting to appear
In fact the sky is so blue, some people are wondering where the sky has gone: A man rang a DJ on Ian Dempsey's radio show this morning saying his son (who is 2) asked him "where's the sky gone Dad?" So used had he become to our rainy grey skies over the Summer - he didn't recognise the blue sky.
But I just feel empty. And to top it all, I've a sore throat and the starting of a cold. I kept saying to my partner last night, I feel like I've broken up with someone. And he very accurately and ironically said "yes, you broke up with our three embryos". He kissed me and then stroked my head as if I was his child. He is, at the moment, my rock.
I, on the other hand, am trying to get "out" of "this". "This" being no-man's land. "This" being a feeling of disappointment. "This" being a lot of questions constantly being asked in my head.
I want to go back to enjoying all that I have and should be grateful for. One of the things my partner says attracted me to him is my positivity. But I can't seem to find it at the moment. But it does come back - I know that - as it's done that before.
Guess I can't be hard on myself - it's not even 3 days yet.
So we're expecting 24 degrees for the next few days.
And I'm off to a wedding on Friday in Northern Ireland in Galgorm Manor House and Spa (lots of awards for its spa). My partner is groomsman and I am, of course, playing harp again. This time, I'm singing "you raise me up". Alison has a string quarter aswell, so I get to play with them (This has always been a lifelong dream). I just hope I don't get all emotional singing the song. I'm also playing harp just before the dinner. Alison, the girl who is getting married has offered me a spa treatment for doing the music, but I've not accepted. I should really take her up on her offer.
So, for me, for now, I'm just going through the motions.
Getting through the day.
A least the sun is shining.
I'll go for a walk at lunchtime, put on my shades, listen to some music and be thankful that I get to enjoy this day and am alive and healthy.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I just have to keep reminding myself.
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Getting back into the saddle (or *trying* to)
How many thoughts a day go through my mind? I reckon since the 42hours since this IVF failure -billions of questions and answers flow through my head throughout the day. Everyday I'm looking for the holy grail. That one fact that will put it all into place. In fact, it feels like a week since my HPT and my negative result from IVF #1.
My good friend is having a "Women's Support Group" (with group manifestations for what we want) tonight - but I'm fearful of going as I know I'll probably start bawling my eyes out. She knows about the IVF but everyone else there doesn't and I don't feel the need to share it with everyone. I think it would be hard to be there and pretend to be upbeat and positive. I'm also ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I just know I'd end up in tears....and I'm trying to avoid them.
Step away from the tears....As they'll truly get me nowhere except baggy eyes and dark circles!
In the meantime, I'm just spotting with little cramps on either side. I told my partner today, I'm happy about AF coming - it means my cycle is "right on time" despite all the meds. It means that my reproductive system is working fine and getting back into the saddle - so that's always a good thing.
This month I've warned him (jokingly of course) he better watch out for me in the middle of the night - because I'll be taking advantage of him at every opportunity! We're going the "au natural" route whilst I'm on this mandatory month's break to clear out my system. So I'll be filling myself with his little swimmers at every opportunity! I'm actually looking forward to not doing any drugs this month. I'm looking forward to glorious unprotected sex - as many times as I like! I'm looking forward to just being a woman with needs and not a woman preparing for motherhood and pregnancy. Bring on that sexy woman.
The clinic tell me today they'll probably do my frozen embryo transfer (FET) in November. I'll start on the pill in October! I so hate the pill! Anyhow, with 70% thawing rate, the nurse reckons two out of my three snowbabies could make it. It's a risk.
If it doesn't work, we'll be going for IVF #2.
The FET cycle also includes that "snoop sniffer dog" (suprecur nasal spray) that I despise! Oh Lovely. Sniffs of lovely acid! Bring it on!
So here I am, not even 48 hours after my Big fat negative and
- And I'm planning the next cycle,
- And I've deferred my Masters Degree final semester until 2010
and
- And I've managed to catch up on all my work since I've been on my break.
- And I made a hair appointment at the Aveda Salon to get my tresses looking fab for the wedding this weekend (Another wedding where I'll be playing the harp again)
- And I've got my natural cycle with my partner all planned.
That's us
Women - Get up, dust off and get back in the saddle.
I'm in the saddle alright, but I can't help feeling like I've broken up with someone.
It's just a matter of time.
xx cherrygo.
My good friend is having a "Women's Support Group" (with group manifestations for what we want) tonight - but I'm fearful of going as I know I'll probably start bawling my eyes out. She knows about the IVF but everyone else there doesn't and I don't feel the need to share it with everyone. I think it would be hard to be there and pretend to be upbeat and positive. I'm also ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I just know I'd end up in tears....and I'm trying to avoid them.
Step away from the tears....As they'll truly get me nowhere except baggy eyes and dark circles!
In the meantime, I'm just spotting with little cramps on either side. I told my partner today, I'm happy about AF coming - it means my cycle is "right on time" despite all the meds. It means that my reproductive system is working fine and getting back into the saddle - so that's always a good thing.
This month I've warned him (jokingly of course) he better watch out for me in the middle of the night - because I'll be taking advantage of him at every opportunity! We're going the "au natural" route whilst I'm on this mandatory month's break to clear out my system. So I'll be filling myself with his little swimmers at every opportunity! I'm actually looking forward to not doing any drugs this month. I'm looking forward to glorious unprotected sex - as many times as I like! I'm looking forward to just being a woman with needs and not a woman preparing for motherhood and pregnancy. Bring on that sexy woman.
The clinic tell me today they'll probably do my frozen embryo transfer (FET) in November. I'll start on the pill in October! I so hate the pill! Anyhow, with 70% thawing rate, the nurse reckons two out of my three snowbabies could make it. It's a risk.
If it doesn't work, we'll be going for IVF #2.
The FET cycle also includes that "snoop sniffer dog" (suprecur nasal spray) that I despise! Oh Lovely. Sniffs of lovely acid! Bring it on!
So here I am, not even 48 hours after my Big fat negative and
- And I'm planning the next cycle,
- And I've deferred my Masters Degree final semester until 2010
and
- And I've managed to catch up on all my work since I've been on my break.
- And I made a hair appointment at the Aveda Salon to get my tresses looking fab for the wedding this weekend (Another wedding where I'll be playing the harp again)
- And I've got my natural cycle with my partner all planned.
That's us
Women - Get up, dust off and get back in the saddle.
I'm in the saddle alright, but I can't help feeling like I've broken up with someone.
It's just a matter of time.
xx cherrygo.
*Trying* to keep the tears at bay
Well I'm doing all the right things - working hard to keep my mind off it - keeping busy in the evening with lots of people around - so I don't self pity too much. This morning driving into work I cried for a little bit - for once the sun was shining and it made me cry. It made me wish for the summer again. I know I'm positive and upbeat but I guess I have to go through this fog for a little bit to find the sunshine again in myself. I understand it's the drugs and the hormones and the PMT as I wait on AF to arrive. My parents are really supportive and are rallying around me. My partner has already moved on. He says it's the only way he can cope - he's onto the next cycle and planning on getting the money together for that. So practical and logical. As for me, I'm in the teary-eyed, ready to cry at the drop of a hat phase. It's so much easier for men to move on. They really can detach. I'm in the feelings, emotions and "What if's" space.
What if it doesn't happen for me? What if IVF #2 fails again?
What if I can't get myself out of this space?
What if I've left it too late?
Perhaps this IVF is a waste of time - success for some and failure for many.
I know I need to replace it with being grateful for what I have:
- A great partner
- A lovely family who support me financially in this quest as well as emotionally
- The knowledge that Life went on before this and can go on after this
- You can only do what you can
- You can't punish yourself for it failing - it's not your fault
- You have to *TRY*
But somehow those negatives are winning the battle at present. So every time I think a negative I force myself to think a positive.
Oh if only there was a cure to take, a pill to administer or a procedure to follow.
I don't want to make this "trying to conceive" the cornerpiece of my life and become totally focused on it - but I guess when you've been injecting twice a day, eating healthily and trying to make this IVF as much of a success as you can - it does become a major part of your life. Work is hard and trying to *look* as if everything is normal. I'm doing my very best. And that's all I can do - for the moment.
What if it doesn't happen for me? What if IVF #2 fails again?
What if I can't get myself out of this space?
What if I've left it too late?
Perhaps this IVF is a waste of time - success for some and failure for many.
I know I need to replace it with being grateful for what I have:
- A great partner
- A lovely family who support me financially in this quest as well as emotionally
- The knowledge that Life went on before this and can go on after this
- You can only do what you can
- You can't punish yourself for it failing - it's not your fault
- You have to *TRY*
But somehow those negatives are winning the battle at present. So every time I think a negative I force myself to think a positive.
Oh if only there was a cure to take, a pill to administer or a procedure to follow.
I don't want to make this "trying to conceive" the cornerpiece of my life and become totally focused on it - but I guess when you've been injecting twice a day, eating healthily and trying to make this IVF as much of a success as you can - it does become a major part of your life. Work is hard and trying to *look* as if everything is normal. I'm doing my very best. And that's all I can do - for the moment.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
No heart to blog
Hi,
Well I've been on two weeks vacation time - and my laptop blew up in a puff of smoke. Hence my absence from all things electronic and online. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it? How am I? Well could be better. I'll fill you everything now.
My partner and I had a nice break last week in the wilds of Lovely Leitrim. It rained a lot but somehow this added to the mystical ambience. We stayed in two and a half castles - Kilronon Castle (www.kilronancastle.ie) and Lough Rynn Castle http://loughrynncastle.ie - both fantastic spots and five star hotels at a great price.
I'm kind of harbouring on about trivialities as other news has been happening.
I got through the 2 week wait with little or no bother. Although last week I had some brown spotting and this continued over the weekend. My Partner and I felt it was either A) the drugs ( progesterone and estrogen) 2) implantation bleeding or 3) detachment of embryos. I must admit my boobs have been pretty sore - suffice to say they were tingling all last week during the night.
Anyhow, I was scheduled to do my home pregnancy test yesterday. As this was my first day back at work, I felt doing it that morning before work, could make my first day back a nightmare, so my partner and I waited until late yesterday evening. I waited until I had enough liquid to fill an old mug and we dipped the stick into it. We waited and waited for that prerequisite second line - but it never appeared. I was kind of in shock and I guess I'm still kind of in shock. A Big fat Negative after six weeks of injecting, watching foods, drinking lots of water, lots of positive thinking with sprinklings of the secret and visualisations.
All to no avail.
3 grade 1, 8 cell embryos transferred and lost somewhere in the bermuda triangle of my uterus - destined for outer space of my womb, never to implant.
It made me feel pretty crappy last night. I don't feel disappointed - just empty. Just like I thought I had won the lotto and suddenly the ticket's been taken away. I'm staying away from all forums as I really don't want the sympathy vote.
I don't want anyone to commiserate with me.
I feel it enough.
So back to the drawing board - 2 IUI's and IVFs and 10,000 euros down later. Needless to say I went to my account today and I'm overdrawn to the hilt - 10 more days before payday. Thank God for my partner - otherwise I'd be starving or using my credit card to eat. I'm trying to stay on the positive side - great friends, fab partner, good talents and my health. I'd crawl into a hole and feel sorry for myself for a day or two (if I could) - but unfortunately my job beckons and I'm doing my best to maintain a semblance of normality - singing to defy my inner sadness, smiling at everyone in the office to keep up the mask - when inside a sense of gloom - which I know will pass as soon as my friend Aunt Flow arrives. Just waiting on her now.
Come on my friend - you know you want to.
Cherrygo
Well I've been on two weeks vacation time - and my laptop blew up in a puff of smoke. Hence my absence from all things electronic and online. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it? How am I? Well could be better. I'll fill you everything now.
My partner and I had a nice break last week in the wilds of Lovely Leitrim. It rained a lot but somehow this added to the mystical ambience. We stayed in two and a half castles - Kilronon Castle (www.kilronancastle.ie) and Lough Rynn Castle http://loughrynncastle.ie - both fantastic spots and five star hotels at a great price.
I'm kind of harbouring on about trivialities as other news has been happening.
I got through the 2 week wait with little or no bother. Although last week I had some brown spotting and this continued over the weekend. My Partner and I felt it was either A) the drugs ( progesterone and estrogen) 2) implantation bleeding or 3) detachment of embryos. I must admit my boobs have been pretty sore - suffice to say they were tingling all last week during the night.
Anyhow, I was scheduled to do my home pregnancy test yesterday. As this was my first day back at work, I felt doing it that morning before work, could make my first day back a nightmare, so my partner and I waited until late yesterday evening. I waited until I had enough liquid to fill an old mug and we dipped the stick into it. We waited and waited for that prerequisite second line - but it never appeared. I was kind of in shock and I guess I'm still kind of in shock. A Big fat Negative after six weeks of injecting, watching foods, drinking lots of water, lots of positive thinking with sprinklings of the secret and visualisations.
All to no avail.
3 grade 1, 8 cell embryos transferred and lost somewhere in the bermuda triangle of my uterus - destined for outer space of my womb, never to implant.
It made me feel pretty crappy last night. I don't feel disappointed - just empty. Just like I thought I had won the lotto and suddenly the ticket's been taken away. I'm staying away from all forums as I really don't want the sympathy vote.
I don't want anyone to commiserate with me.
I feel it enough.
So back to the drawing board - 2 IUI's and IVFs and 10,000 euros down later. Needless to say I went to my account today and I'm overdrawn to the hilt - 10 more days before payday. Thank God for my partner - otherwise I'd be starving or using my credit card to eat. I'm trying to stay on the positive side - great friends, fab partner, good talents and my health. I'd crawl into a hole and feel sorry for myself for a day or two (if I could) - but unfortunately my job beckons and I'm doing my best to maintain a semblance of normality - singing to defy my inner sadness, smiling at everyone in the office to keep up the mask - when inside a sense of gloom - which I know will pass as soon as my friend Aunt Flow arrives. Just waiting on her now.
Come on my friend - you know you want to.
Cherrygo
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