No POAS for me

It's CD 23 for me and only 5 more days until CD28. But I've decided to not do a POAS.

I am going to wait until it is late - if it is late. I'm going the old fashioned way. Boy do I hate those sticks - one wee and they determine your mood within 3 minutes. Why oh why were they invented?

But it seems that everywhere, everyone around me is pregnant. We only have a small office and there's three out of the 20 pregnant - all discussing bump positions and their daily grind with heartburn.

The other night I checked my Facebook and my ex and his wife are now "up to duff" 5 months expecting a boy. Married a perfect 3 years and now pregnant right on cue. Now, that hurt. Not because I still fancy the ex - but because he has the perfect wife who has a perfect reproductive system that only looks at her husband and is pregnant. No vitamins - no avoidance of alcohol, no sacrifice or injections for her - all just natural love-making - as it should be.

I keep correcting myself and those green monster feelings as soon as they start to build - I keep reminding myself - yes it will happen to you - so stop feeling jealous when it happens for others. I try to feel happy for them and I generally can. I know jealousy is only a natural reaction - and I immediately stop it in its tracks and replace it.

Then I wonder why is it so easy for some to conceive and so much harder and a journey for others.

I've met so many wonderful women on forums who have fantastic spirits and will make caring, loving mothers, yet the holy grail of pregnancy eludes them. Some continue on their journeys for 7, 8 years and longer and never give up - now that's what I call persistence.

This morning, I noticed this young Dad bringing his shiny pig-tailed 5 year old daughter to school, she holding his hand and he regularly looking down and smiling at her. So pure and so lovely. It's such a nice thing to see. Then I visualise my partner doing the same thing.

Hoping and praying.

Hoping and praying.

Then I wonder - if when it arrives - the double line on the stick saying you are pregnant - is it a let-down, an anti-climax? After all the hoping, wishing, waiting, preparing.

Who knows.

Let's hope I get to see that double pink line. In the meantime, I'm doing everything to try and bring it about.

Yours cherrygo.