I'm kind of just starting this IVF journey. I'm really only on the first step. I nearly collapsed when they handed me my bag full of meds. Wow! There's a lot of boxes with strange names. I had to get all that into me!
Anyhow, last Sunday I started the nasal spray or as they call it - the Down regulator. Don't even ask me what "down regulation" is - I imagine it's just getting things quietened down - dampening your hormones. Who am I to ask why. In fact I don't want to know too much. I just want to eat healthy, think healthy and be healthy. But did I mention this nasal spray stuff is so uncomfortable. Tastes crap. You would think they'd get some nice tasting lemon nasal spray or chocolate nasal spray or peanut butter nasal spray. Nope this stuff tastes and smells like putrid chemicals. Not only that but talk about headaches from hell! Luckily I don't have the hot sweats. I heard of one friend who went through the change with this! But only thing I feel is tired, dizzy, Naseua (spelling sorry!) and loss of sex drive. Yup, that sexy gal with needs is slowly dwindling....get me off this stuff FAST! lol...
Well this was my last day of the Birth control pill. Seems ironic, that you're trying to get preggers and the docs put you on the pill? Is this a bit of an oxymoron? well must dash home....time to sniff that lovely nasal spray.....it's calling!
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Acupuncture
Acupuncture. Sounds like a bad sci-fi movie. Stick needles into body, wait a while, manipulate and body gets well!! You either believe in it or your don't. But I've been told even if you don't believe in it - it STILL works. I found the acupuncture very relaxing especially during IUI # 2. When I researched it a little, I was surprised to find two schools - classical or 5 element acupuncture and the other acupuncture (where they leave the needles in and you lie down for 20 minutes).
I found a 5 element acupuncturist and decided to take a trip. She specialised in all things baby and all things fertility. My first visit, was strange. She asked me all kinds of questions on my life on my TTC journey. Then I had to take my blouse off as she marked points on my spine. I didn't get the same relaxing buzz from 5 element. You sit there on the treatment bed - and needles are inserted into various points and manipulated. Every 5/10 minutes she retakes your pulse to see the effect the needles have on your pulses. The therapist then burnt Moxa on my points (which gets so warm on your skin - you have to shout HOT!) After my first session, I felt tired, drained and lethargic. IN fact, I felt Fluey. My therapist told me it was the toxins coming out of my system. However, they appeared to be coming out of my system all week! For my second session, I was really impressed when she told me (I was a fire element) and that I must have had a chest infection when I was younger. Wow, she could tell this just from my pulses? Could she also tell me the Lotto numbers! lol...Well, I forked over my hard-earned 105 euros (which when I get my tax break works out about 85 euros.) but I must admit the jury is still out on 5 element. There is certainly pain with the 5 element - as she got a point on my wrist and I nearly jumped in pain! So if there is pain, there must be a gain! We shall wait in HOPE!
Of course, my partner thinks its a load of hodge podge. He thinks I'm crazy, what with relaxation tapes, mediatation tapes and supplements. There he is - out in the fields, farming in the fresh air (yes did I mention he is a farmer! Organic sheep and cows). Yup, the day I watched him deliver two lambs, I knew I was in good hands! He simply put his hand in and slide one lamb out and reached for the other and pulled it out. Amazing. All I do for a living is type and write emails and come up with marketing concepts (which don't exactly light up the world). At least he is adding to the world in some way.
Albeit, not getting paid adequately for it. But at least he loves what he does. You see him strutting to through the fields, lord and master of his herd, hair blowing in the wind, dog following loyally behind and you wish for that peace of mind, sense of purpose and absolute love for what you do.
Sometimes, I think you get too wrapped up in this conception journey, so I've been making a special effort to contact friends. Friends who were there before I started to try and make a baby and ones that I've neglected. So I called a good friend who is a massage therapist. I'm kind of psyched as she just got the DVD "the Secret" and we're all going over to watch it for some inspiration. Some people have said to me I have a positivity that is kind of like the secret - but I've never read it, so I'm looking forward to an uplifting night! I'll let you know how we all got on!
Tonight will be relaxing with some music and some nice comforting food. I'm kind of sick of all this healthy fruit and veg. I want something warming like an Irish stew or a shepherds pie...mmmmmmm
Till later....Cherry
I found a 5 element acupuncturist and decided to take a trip. She specialised in all things baby and all things fertility. My first visit, was strange. She asked me all kinds of questions on my life on my TTC journey. Then I had to take my blouse off as she marked points on my spine. I didn't get the same relaxing buzz from 5 element. You sit there on the treatment bed - and needles are inserted into various points and manipulated. Every 5/10 minutes she retakes your pulse to see the effect the needles have on your pulses. The therapist then burnt Moxa on my points (which gets so warm on your skin - you have to shout HOT!) After my first session, I felt tired, drained and lethargic. IN fact, I felt Fluey. My therapist told me it was the toxins coming out of my system. However, they appeared to be coming out of my system all week! For my second session, I was really impressed when she told me (I was a fire element) and that I must have had a chest infection when I was younger. Wow, she could tell this just from my pulses? Could she also tell me the Lotto numbers! lol...Well, I forked over my hard-earned 105 euros (which when I get my tax break works out about 85 euros.) but I must admit the jury is still out on 5 element. There is certainly pain with the 5 element - as she got a point on my wrist and I nearly jumped in pain! So if there is pain, there must be a gain! We shall wait in HOPE!
Of course, my partner thinks its a load of hodge podge. He thinks I'm crazy, what with relaxation tapes, mediatation tapes and supplements. There he is - out in the fields, farming in the fresh air (yes did I mention he is a farmer! Organic sheep and cows). Yup, the day I watched him deliver two lambs, I knew I was in good hands! He simply put his hand in and slide one lamb out and reached for the other and pulled it out. Amazing. All I do for a living is type and write emails and come up with marketing concepts (which don't exactly light up the world). At least he is adding to the world in some way.
Albeit, not getting paid adequately for it. But at least he loves what he does. You see him strutting to through the fields, lord and master of his herd, hair blowing in the wind, dog following loyally behind and you wish for that peace of mind, sense of purpose and absolute love for what you do.
Sometimes, I think you get too wrapped up in this conception journey, so I've been making a special effort to contact friends. Friends who were there before I started to try and make a baby and ones that I've neglected. So I called a good friend who is a massage therapist. I'm kind of psyched as she just got the DVD "the Secret" and we're all going over to watch it for some inspiration. Some people have said to me I have a positivity that is kind of like the secret - but I've never read it, so I'm looking forward to an uplifting night! I'll let you know how we all got on!
Tonight will be relaxing with some music and some nice comforting food. I'm kind of sick of all this healthy fruit and veg. I want something warming like an Irish stew or a shepherds pie...mmmmmmm
Till later....Cherry
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
IUI Number 2 - Becoming a infertility junkie
I guess I didn't even have the time to think about IUI number 2 as literally number 1 was over and suddenly I had to start the drug protocol on day 1 of my period. Of course, typically the witch (period) arrived on a Sunday and my pharmacy was closed on that day. Panicking I cried and cried when I realised I would be a day late taking my Tamoxifen. I think I was finally letting out the emotions of the failure of IUI 1. The hen party had been great fun. But I had been hiding my true emotions.
I'm a great believer in the good cry. Always get emotions out of you - whether that's disappointment(cry), stress (shout really loud) or happiness (laugh and smile), resentment (forgive your friend/family/work colleague). I read a really good book by Louise Hay (You can heal your body) who states that a lot of our illnesses and body problems are due to our emotions.
So I had a good cry and as I said before, on the Monday going to work, I felt a spring in my step once more.
Anyhow, started the Tamoxifen a day late but things were still progressing fine and dandy when I went in for my Transvaginal scan on my cycle day (CD6). Tamoxifen is another one of those follicle stimulating hormones and really no side effects at all.
Did I tell you about these scans? They're called TV scans in the med world. Yup, smile your uterus is on candid camera!
Nothing really to worry about - except if you get a nurse who is uncannily rough. You basically sit in the stirrups and they insert a penis shaped ultrasound camera which is able to see into your cervix and your ovaries etc., This enables them to see if you are progressing and if the drugs are working the way they want them to. It can be a little uncomfortable and little embarressing -if you are private or shy. But then, if you're having a baby, all dignity will go out the door! Get used to the stirrups! In fact welcome them! Pregnancy I hear will be Stirrup Central.
By about day 6, it was time for me to start my Gonal F pen injection. Fantastic! I loved those injections. Found myself entertaining with a dinner party and running upstairs to inject in true junkie fashion!!
By the second time around, I was a veteran.... This time I didn't feel as much twinges or movements down in my ovaries. In no time, it was IUI numero two and there I was in the stirrups again, waiting on the catheter to inject those spermies inside. You really feel nothing when the catheter is inserted. The first time I kind of felt fluid inside and a warm fuzzy feeling (which made me feel it had worked). But this time nothing. I guess for the entire two week wait (2ww) I felt nothing: no twinges, no pains, no cramps. Of course, it didn't help that I told my partner that his sperm had dwindled somewhat (two stag parties and lots of wild partying had helped obliterate his sperm count down to 10 million). He lost faith when I told him that - "what!" he said - "down to 10 million from 56 million?" Of course, I was truly positive this time around.
I was the Queen of Visualisations:
I saw picture postcards of me and my belly.
MY belly in jeans, in dresses. Stroking my belly
I looked at pregnancy clothes in the shop.
I pictured my face all puffed with pregnancy.
I saw (for some reason 2) kids run into my partners arms.
So I was convinced it worked. I had graduated to an A++ in positive thinking. But here, dear readers, is a somewhat fine line. You should be positive, but tread the tight rope of allowing yourself to also think positive if it does not happen. I'll explain this a little later.
So anyhow I broke down and decided to do the home pregnancy test (HPT) three days before I should have. Needless to say, the walls of my positive thinking and positive visualisation came crashing down around me when I got my negative. I went into a kind of a vaccum. A feeling of being there, but not there? Sure, I went for my walks, met friends, but the positive girl I am and was, had disappeared. Had she disappeared into a puff of infertility drugs smoke? Or was I just experiencing this roller coaster of emotions which many people write about in terms of fertility treatments.
I decided then and there I was going for IVF. It just came to me. Like they say the best ideas do. I needed to know the next piece in the jigsaw puzzle - My eggs. I wanted to know if they could meet with one of my partner's sperm and make an embryo.
Even if it got that far, I could have faith.
When I made up my mind that I was going to dig into my partner's life savings and mine to pay for this - I told him straight away. He was, as usual, solid and supportive - he wanted whatever I wanted. In fact, his birthday is coming up soon and all he wants is you know what? A Big Fat Pregnancy (BFP!)
So the lesson learnt here was always be prepared for both eventualities. I thought about this the other day - If IVF does not happen I'm fine with that. The universe will send me this baby when it's right for me. What that plan is yet - I don't know. Perhaps it is to make me value it more, cherish it more - when it does eventually come. Make me stronger. Make our relationship stronger. Who knows.
But I'm fine either way.
I've made my peace with the plan.
And most of all we've shook hands
I'm a great believer in the good cry. Always get emotions out of you - whether that's disappointment(cry), stress (shout really loud) or happiness (laugh and smile), resentment (forgive your friend/family/work colleague). I read a really good book by Louise Hay (You can heal your body) who states that a lot of our illnesses and body problems are due to our emotions.
So I had a good cry and as I said before, on the Monday going to work, I felt a spring in my step once more.
Anyhow, started the Tamoxifen a day late but things were still progressing fine and dandy when I went in for my Transvaginal scan on my cycle day (CD6). Tamoxifen is another one of those follicle stimulating hormones and really no side effects at all.
Did I tell you about these scans? They're called TV scans in the med world. Yup, smile your uterus is on candid camera!
Nothing really to worry about - except if you get a nurse who is uncannily rough. You basically sit in the stirrups and they insert a penis shaped ultrasound camera which is able to see into your cervix and your ovaries etc., This enables them to see if you are progressing and if the drugs are working the way they want them to. It can be a little uncomfortable and little embarressing -if you are private or shy. But then, if you're having a baby, all dignity will go out the door! Get used to the stirrups! In fact welcome them! Pregnancy I hear will be Stirrup Central.
By about day 6, it was time for me to start my Gonal F pen injection. Fantastic! I loved those injections. Found myself entertaining with a dinner party and running upstairs to inject in true junkie fashion!!
By the second time around, I was a veteran.... This time I didn't feel as much twinges or movements down in my ovaries. In no time, it was IUI numero two and there I was in the stirrups again, waiting on the catheter to inject those spermies inside. You really feel nothing when the catheter is inserted. The first time I kind of felt fluid inside and a warm fuzzy feeling (which made me feel it had worked). But this time nothing. I guess for the entire two week wait (2ww) I felt nothing: no twinges, no pains, no cramps. Of course, it didn't help that I told my partner that his sperm had dwindled somewhat (two stag parties and lots of wild partying had helped obliterate his sperm count down to 10 million). He lost faith when I told him that - "what!" he said - "down to 10 million from 56 million?" Of course, I was truly positive this time around.
I was the Queen of Visualisations:
I saw picture postcards of me and my belly.
MY belly in jeans, in dresses. Stroking my belly
I looked at pregnancy clothes in the shop.
I pictured my face all puffed with pregnancy.
I saw (for some reason 2) kids run into my partners arms.
So I was convinced it worked. I had graduated to an A++ in positive thinking. But here, dear readers, is a somewhat fine line. You should be positive, but tread the tight rope of allowing yourself to also think positive if it does not happen. I'll explain this a little later.
So anyhow I broke down and decided to do the home pregnancy test (HPT) three days before I should have. Needless to say, the walls of my positive thinking and positive visualisation came crashing down around me when I got my negative. I went into a kind of a vaccum. A feeling of being there, but not there? Sure, I went for my walks, met friends, but the positive girl I am and was, had disappeared. Had she disappeared into a puff of infertility drugs smoke? Or was I just experiencing this roller coaster of emotions which many people write about in terms of fertility treatments.
I decided then and there I was going for IVF. It just came to me. Like they say the best ideas do. I needed to know the next piece in the jigsaw puzzle - My eggs. I wanted to know if they could meet with one of my partner's sperm and make an embryo.
Even if it got that far, I could have faith.
When I made up my mind that I was going to dig into my partner's life savings and mine to pay for this - I told him straight away. He was, as usual, solid and supportive - he wanted whatever I wanted. In fact, his birthday is coming up soon and all he wants is you know what? A Big Fat Pregnancy (BFP!)
So the lesson learnt here was always be prepared for both eventualities. I thought about this the other day - If IVF does not happen I'm fine with that. The universe will send me this baby when it's right for me. What that plan is yet - I don't know. Perhaps it is to make me value it more, cherish it more - when it does eventually come. Make me stronger. Make our relationship stronger. Who knows.
But I'm fine either way.
I've made my peace with the plan.
And most of all we've shook hands
Our first IUI - Hope in a catheter....
I really thought IUI a fail-safe method and recipe for success - For those of you who don't know, it is called Intrauterine insemination. Basically, the clinic injects your partners sperm into you at the exact time of ovulation and this gives you the best chance possible of getting "up the duff" "up the spout" or with bun in your oven.
Here's the Gordon Ramsey Recipe....
- Know when egg is ripe - follicles should be nice and long (20 mm) Only two of them should be long as they don't want multiple births here in Ireland. So if you produce more than two - they cancel the IUI cycle.
- Insert sperm into the uterine cavity at the exact time of ovulation with a catheter (feels exactly like a smear test!)
- mix well together and
- LOvely
nine months later take out well-cooked baby. Tastes Fabulous. So Simple. So Easy.
So we were surprised when it didn't work. To be honest, in the first couple of days of taking the Gonal F injections - it was the first time I felt my ovaries actually working. It was most definitely the first time I felt an ovary on the left side.
Don't be afraid of IUI, it really is very simple - you feel nothing and the drugs are really easy. It really is "mind over matter". The more you mind, the more it matters. The less you mind, the less it matters. Just sing to yourself without a care in the world! I read so much about the drugs and the negative effects. So I did everything to avoid the side effects. So I sang and danced around my room like a child or gave myself a pedicure. Do anything that will lighten your mood whilst taking these drugs. I also kept telling myself I was a sexy woman with needs! The last thing I wanted was to have my DH neglected! Anyhow, Baby dancing is a stress reliever!
I kept telling myself my body welcomes these drugs and is happy to take them. This I think helped my cycle to go really easy.
At first, I was a little "scaredy cat" getting my injections. I'd lie down on the bed, while my partner would prime the needle and then I'd brace myself for the prick! Even the look of the needle going through the skin made me feel faint. But one day, I decided to do it myself - when my partner wasn't available and I must say - It was much easier. I just grabbed the lovely 2/3 inches of fat I have on my tummy and injected there. Totally PAINLESS! Why hadn't I thought of this before. All those brown bruises on my thighs could have been avoided. So from then it - it was a piece of cake. If you are going for IUI, my one advice is, don't listen to the forums or threads. Everyone is different. Sometimes someone gets pregnant with one follicle and 3 million sperm and sometimes its 5 follicles and 100 million sperm.
At the end of the day it is only one egg and one sperm.
Really, try to avoid the forums - you just feel like crap when yours didn't work. Yes, it's nice to get the "sorry it didn't work, it will work next time, it will be your month, next month", but you can't help analysing why theirs worked and yours didn't. You look at their age, look at their drug protocol - did they do a Back to Back IUI? (one IUI the day before ovulation and another the next day of ovulation). Of course, when I mentioned this to my clinic here in Ireland - they'd never even heard of the B2B iui.
I must admit on the first IUI, I really felt like it had worked with so many twinges and feelings down there. I really thought that my follicles were enormous only to find they were only about 2 cm (20mm) long. I felt them as a I sat up or sat down. But really, you just can't tell.
On the day of the IUI itself, I was delighted to hear 56 million sperms were being injected into me! Wow, fantastic! My egg didn't have a chance of avoiding 56 million of those aggressive olympian swimmers of my DH! The procedure was painless - I mean I was thinking to myself. Why are women saying that infertility treatments are tough? Why did they say it's an emotional roller coaster. This was a piece of cake. Sure, I had some cramps, but I felt happy that I was doing something positive. Taking positive steps to make it happen.
After the IUI and what they call the 2 week wait (2ww). I went on forums, checking out the twinges - if I had a twinge on day 3, was that implantation? Could these pains be implantation? Did the girl who posted about her twinge on day 5 get a positive BFP (big fat pregnancy?). I found myself comparing to other people on the thread. NEVER EVER do that. Everyone is different. Some twinge. Some don't and STILL get a positive result! The forums make the 2ww harder I think. You keep comparing yourself. This is where I started to understand the emotions of the second week and why it could be a roller coaster -if you so make it.
Myself and my partner were convinced this one had worked and the disappointment we felt was palpable. He just sat there on the bed unable to speak for about fifteen minutes. I sat numb and hoped the home pregnancy test would suddenly sprout that extra pink line. As if it had forgotten to appear - late for work. If only.
I kept thinking - how easy it is for a girl to get pregnant on a drunken night out with a one night stand and here we were making it so easy for the sperm and egg to meet and nada - Big Fat Negative (BFN). Here I was avoiding alcohol for over 6 months, eating well, taking vitamin supplements, drinking 2 litres of water per day and avoiding caffeine - trying to make everything comfortable and welcoming for a baby, yet it still was not working. Yet I must admit, I still felt positive. Luckily, that day I was driving down to Westport in the West of Ireland to see my friend's house and to a bachelorette (hens) nights out on the Saturday.
When you get a negative result, it really helps to just go out and enjoy yourself. Whilst I didn't drink, just forcing yourself to be sociable makes you get out of your shell and not self pitying and wallowing. I did the "pity show" the next day, when Aunt Flow arrived and had a good cry. Got up on the Monday for work and felt fab - another cycle - another TRY! In the words of Scarlett (O'Hara from Gone with the Wind) After all, tomorrow is another day.
Here's the Gordon Ramsey Recipe....
- Know when egg is ripe - follicles should be nice and long (20 mm) Only two of them should be long as they don't want multiple births here in Ireland. So if you produce more than two - they cancel the IUI cycle.
- Insert sperm into the uterine cavity at the exact time of ovulation with a catheter (feels exactly like a smear test!)
- mix well together and
- LOvely
nine months later take out well-cooked baby. Tastes Fabulous. So Simple. So Easy.
So we were surprised when it didn't work. To be honest, in the first couple of days of taking the Gonal F injections - it was the first time I felt my ovaries actually working. It was most definitely the first time I felt an ovary on the left side.
Don't be afraid of IUI, it really is very simple - you feel nothing and the drugs are really easy. It really is "mind over matter". The more you mind, the more it matters. The less you mind, the less it matters. Just sing to yourself without a care in the world! I read so much about the drugs and the negative effects. So I did everything to avoid the side effects. So I sang and danced around my room like a child or gave myself a pedicure. Do anything that will lighten your mood whilst taking these drugs. I also kept telling myself I was a sexy woman with needs! The last thing I wanted was to have my DH neglected! Anyhow, Baby dancing is a stress reliever!
I kept telling myself my body welcomes these drugs and is happy to take them. This I think helped my cycle to go really easy.
At first, I was a little "scaredy cat" getting my injections. I'd lie down on the bed, while my partner would prime the needle and then I'd brace myself for the prick! Even the look of the needle going through the skin made me feel faint. But one day, I decided to do it myself - when my partner wasn't available and I must say - It was much easier. I just grabbed the lovely 2/3 inches of fat I have on my tummy and injected there. Totally PAINLESS! Why hadn't I thought of this before. All those brown bruises on my thighs could have been avoided. So from then it - it was a piece of cake. If you are going for IUI, my one advice is, don't listen to the forums or threads. Everyone is different. Sometimes someone gets pregnant with one follicle and 3 million sperm and sometimes its 5 follicles and 100 million sperm.
At the end of the day it is only one egg and one sperm.
Really, try to avoid the forums - you just feel like crap when yours didn't work. Yes, it's nice to get the "sorry it didn't work, it will work next time, it will be your month, next month", but you can't help analysing why theirs worked and yours didn't. You look at their age, look at their drug protocol - did they do a Back to Back IUI? (one IUI the day before ovulation and another the next day of ovulation). Of course, when I mentioned this to my clinic here in Ireland - they'd never even heard of the B2B iui.
I must admit on the first IUI, I really felt like it had worked with so many twinges and feelings down there. I really thought that my follicles were enormous only to find they were only about 2 cm (20mm) long. I felt them as a I sat up or sat down. But really, you just can't tell.
On the day of the IUI itself, I was delighted to hear 56 million sperms were being injected into me! Wow, fantastic! My egg didn't have a chance of avoiding 56 million of those aggressive olympian swimmers of my DH! The procedure was painless - I mean I was thinking to myself. Why are women saying that infertility treatments are tough? Why did they say it's an emotional roller coaster. This was a piece of cake. Sure, I had some cramps, but I felt happy that I was doing something positive. Taking positive steps to make it happen.
After the IUI and what they call the 2 week wait (2ww). I went on forums, checking out the twinges - if I had a twinge on day 3, was that implantation? Could these pains be implantation? Did the girl who posted about her twinge on day 5 get a positive BFP (big fat pregnancy?). I found myself comparing to other people on the thread. NEVER EVER do that. Everyone is different. Some twinge. Some don't and STILL get a positive result! The forums make the 2ww harder I think. You keep comparing yourself. This is where I started to understand the emotions of the second week and why it could be a roller coaster -if you so make it.
Myself and my partner were convinced this one had worked and the disappointment we felt was palpable. He just sat there on the bed unable to speak for about fifteen minutes. I sat numb and hoped the home pregnancy test would suddenly sprout that extra pink line. As if it had forgotten to appear - late for work. If only.
I kept thinking - how easy it is for a girl to get pregnant on a drunken night out with a one night stand and here we were making it so easy for the sperm and egg to meet and nada - Big Fat Negative (BFN). Here I was avoiding alcohol for over 6 months, eating well, taking vitamin supplements, drinking 2 litres of water per day and avoiding caffeine - trying to make everything comfortable and welcoming for a baby, yet it still was not working. Yet I must admit, I still felt positive. Luckily, that day I was driving down to Westport in the West of Ireland to see my friend's house and to a bachelorette (hens) nights out on the Saturday.
When you get a negative result, it really helps to just go out and enjoy yourself. Whilst I didn't drink, just forcing yourself to be sociable makes you get out of your shell and not self pitying and wallowing. I did the "pity show" the next day, when Aunt Flow arrived and had a good cry. Got up on the Monday for work and felt fab - another cycle - another TRY! In the words of Scarlett (O'Hara from Gone with the Wind) After all, tomorrow is another day.
Monday, 27 July 2009
Trying to conceive (TTC)
The road to IVF for us was quite easy actually. It all fell down to one thing - my age. We had been having fun for about a year - not thinking about trying to conceive, but hoping it might happen. Of course, I was behaving as usual, drinking as much alcohol as I wanted, misbehaving and rebelling against my age as I fell into denial. There were a few scares along the way that we might be, which made us realise we really wanted this.
Did I tell you my partner is younger than me, but is sometimes the older more mature head? He has in fact 7.5 years of less time on this Earth, but you would never know it! I am and always will be a child at heart. By last November 2008, there was no sign of a baby coming - no stork, no bun in the proverbial oven. I was starting to worry that it wasn't happening. Of course I had an iron problem (anaemia) and then when I got that sorted, it still didn't happen. We practiced shenanigans (as I call it!) on all the right days, but every month Aunt Flow (AF) was sure to call in for a cup of tea.
When we went for a doctor consultation, he symbolically circled my upcoming birthday and wrote the numbers 40. He then looked up for added emphasis and stated "This is your problem". Our only answer (he told us) was IVF. We were in shock. I was healthy, his sperm were healthy, I had no problems (except my age). My FSH and LSH were all in normal ranges. Yet, here was this doctor telling us this was our only route to conception. We went for a second opinion. The second doctor told us what we wanted to hear - he was a manna from heaven - no circling of ages or sober demeanour. He was upbeat and positive, we could try IUI (intrauterine Insemination) for three cycles and then review. We breathed a sigh of relief - not as invasive, cheaper and not as many drugs. Phew! We'd escaped the giant of IVF. It sounded so scary - with terms like egg retrieval and transfers, down regulation and follicle stimulation. I hope that bundle of joy might arrive in economy rather than needing first class seats.
Did I tell you my partner is younger than me, but is sometimes the older more mature head? He has in fact 7.5 years of less time on this Earth, but you would never know it! I am and always will be a child at heart. By last November 2008, there was no sign of a baby coming - no stork, no bun in the proverbial oven. I was starting to worry that it wasn't happening. Of course I had an iron problem (anaemia) and then when I got that sorted, it still didn't happen. We practiced shenanigans (as I call it!) on all the right days, but every month Aunt Flow (AF) was sure to call in for a cup of tea.
When we went for a doctor consultation, he symbolically circled my upcoming birthday and wrote the numbers 40. He then looked up for added emphasis and stated "This is your problem". Our only answer (he told us) was IVF. We were in shock. I was healthy, his sperm were healthy, I had no problems (except my age). My FSH and LSH were all in normal ranges. Yet, here was this doctor telling us this was our only route to conception. We went for a second opinion. The second doctor told us what we wanted to hear - he was a manna from heaven - no circling of ages or sober demeanour. He was upbeat and positive, we could try IUI (intrauterine Insemination) for three cycles and then review. We breathed a sigh of relief - not as invasive, cheaper and not as many drugs. Phew! We'd escaped the giant of IVF. It sounded so scary - with terms like egg retrieval and transfers, down regulation and follicle stimulation. I hope that bundle of joy might arrive in economy rather than needing first class seats.
Once upon a love story
Well this is officially my first blog. So as we say here in Ireland cead mile failte romhat! I'm not sure what triggered me to write this blog, but I guess I want to have a little record of my journey, my moods, my headaches, my twinges with a sprinkling of my honest to god feelings.
Before I start into my medical journey - I think a little bit of background is required about how me and my partner met. This was the fun part! Although I hate to admit it, we met on a blind date. I got the phone call from my sister - saying she had met a 'lovely single man' at a dinner in a friend's house, had asked him would he do a blind date and when he agreed, called me immediately to start us on our merry way. It took a lot of convincing for me to go on it - I mean I really thought the kind of people that go on blind dates are rejects in the 'last chance' saloon, personality-less and lacking in social skills. It took me some convincing and I must admit, I downed two cosmopolitans (dutch courage) before I strutted into the Harcourt hotel to meet him, fashionably late, hair suitably coiffed and my best smile painted on. The date went well. To be honest, there were no sparks or anything, but I liked that he was a gentleman, had a lovely smile and seemed really sincere. Oh and he ordered the next drink before I'd even finished - thats what I call preparation. Did I also mention he was quite a passionate kisser? - He had a killer moves i.e. grabbed my back and pulled me into him (before I knew what was happening) for a tender kiss, soft and sensuous.
Our second date was more eventful, I decided I would rebel against the good guy and got very drunk. He arrived to find an inebriated thirty-something wannabe teenager at the bar. I had been used to the 'bad guy' - the love 'em and leave 'em types, so it was toxic shock syndrome to my system to have someone date me who was genuine. Needless to say, despite my obnoxious Bridget Jones drunkeness, he took it in true 'Darcy' fashion and got me safely home in a taxi. I think he had decided to "wash his hands of me." as his closing statement said it all - "think about what you want, then call me." I guess I suddenly realised when he was prepared to 'walk away' that I didn't want him to walk away.
There have been other dates when I had that sudden realisation he was 'the one' - like when I lost my passport a few hours before I was going on a work trip and he sat there, calming me down, as I heaved in rising and falling sobs of panic. He then made me go through all my steps over the past 24 hours coolly and methodically. Despite my red face, my moaning eyes and dishevelled appearance, he was still hanging around. He was a keeper.
So as time went on, I realised that I had possibly made the best friend of my life - you know someone who believes in you 110%, who wants the best for you and will always be there to support you.
Before I start into my medical journey - I think a little bit of background is required about how me and my partner met. This was the fun part! Although I hate to admit it, we met on a blind date. I got the phone call from my sister - saying she had met a 'lovely single man' at a dinner in a friend's house, had asked him would he do a blind date and when he agreed, called me immediately to start us on our merry way. It took a lot of convincing for me to go on it - I mean I really thought the kind of people that go on blind dates are rejects in the 'last chance' saloon, personality-less and lacking in social skills. It took me some convincing and I must admit, I downed two cosmopolitans (dutch courage) before I strutted into the Harcourt hotel to meet him, fashionably late, hair suitably coiffed and my best smile painted on. The date went well. To be honest, there were no sparks or anything, but I liked that he was a gentleman, had a lovely smile and seemed really sincere. Oh and he ordered the next drink before I'd even finished - thats what I call preparation. Did I also mention he was quite a passionate kisser? - He had a killer moves i.e. grabbed my back and pulled me into him (before I knew what was happening) for a tender kiss, soft and sensuous.
Our second date was more eventful, I decided I would rebel against the good guy and got very drunk. He arrived to find an inebriated thirty-something wannabe teenager at the bar. I had been used to the 'bad guy' - the love 'em and leave 'em types, so it was toxic shock syndrome to my system to have someone date me who was genuine. Needless to say, despite my obnoxious Bridget Jones drunkeness, he took it in true 'Darcy' fashion and got me safely home in a taxi. I think he had decided to "wash his hands of me." as his closing statement said it all - "think about what you want, then call me." I guess I suddenly realised when he was prepared to 'walk away' that I didn't want him to walk away.
There have been other dates when I had that sudden realisation he was 'the one' - like when I lost my passport a few hours before I was going on a work trip and he sat there, calming me down, as I heaved in rising and falling sobs of panic. He then made me go through all my steps over the past 24 hours coolly and methodically. Despite my red face, my moaning eyes and dishevelled appearance, he was still hanging around. He was a keeper.
So as time went on, I realised that I had possibly made the best friend of my life - you know someone who believes in you 110%, who wants the best for you and will always be there to support you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
