The long holiday weekend has come and gone. Why oh why does time fly when you're having fun! This morning had my CD (cycle day 1) scan. I had stopped taking my birth control pill on friday and found that Aunt Flow is just not arriving. She is simply spotting. She refuses to flow. She is having a hissy fit. So naturally, the scan revealed my lining is a little thick - around 6mm. But they reckon if my estradiol is low enough - they'll start stimulating my ovaries. Otherwise, if AF is still playing difficult, I'm in a holding pattern before I land for a few more days. Yippee!

So we got out bill for IVF - €4950 in total. I noticed they added in 'Assisted Hatching' which was an extra €220.... I asked the girl about this and she said the doctors must feel I need this. Hmmm....would it be something to do with my age? I then had this vision - of a little yellow bird sitting on my eggs on a bed of straw to assist them to hatch.....I must admit it did make me smile.

Spent over 400 euros on our EU bloods. This is so ridiculous - as if IVF is not expensive enough. I mean if the EU want us to take these Hepatitis C tests - why don't they make them FREE? Why should we pay this amount of money for 2 blood tests that mean nothing to us or help with our diagnosis? It makes my blood boil - but EU law is EU law.

Well I'm here back at my desk, just after sniffing my Suprecor Nasal Spray - A colleague asked me what it was I was breathing and I said it was for my sinuses! You gotta be creative when it comes to IVF excuses! Ah I'm becoming very good at little 'white lies' for this IVF. I don't know how many dental appointments I've had or late lunches with friends to meet. This is the hard part, trying to keep your work ticking over whilst you go for scans (without having your boss become suspicious). Of course, it would help stupendously if I was a "lady who lunches". Ah to be supported into the style I was accustomed. My partners thinks I'd be bored if I stepped off the corporate ladder. I think I'd be fine with arts and crafts and coffee mornings and actual time for the gym! I read a book about getting pregnant after 40 and this woman gave up her job...which she says really is the 'only way'. And my friend who lost her job, found that doing DIY around the house and being a chilled out stay at home woman helped her conceive twice....Well unless I win the Lotto - it ain't happening!

Had a lovely weekend - it must be said. Although on Saturday, it was tough. I cleaned my house from top to bottom. You know one of those cleans that takes the entire day (throwing out all the junk etc...) Met two friends that evening for Thai dinner. This friend is also going through the TTC (trying to conceive) phase as well hitting the big 40. She and I have great chats. It really does help to have a friend who you can chat things over with. She is at the 'trying naturally stage' along with acupuncture but is starting to realise this could take 12 months. Sunday - went shopping for a new suit in the Kildare Designer outlets with partner. Well actually I had to go shopping myself as it turns out NONE of my wedding outfits fit me any longer! I mean I've put on half a stone since I started Infertility treatments. That's not a lot of weight - but the area I notice it most is my breasts. My partner, thinks it's great. But well, I'm not too happy as I now approach a C cup! I used to be a lovely "pert" but "curvy" B cup and now becoming a "droopy and "overflowing" C MUG. Argh.....and people pay for THIS with implants! Tried on a lovely Karen Millen dress (200 euros) and my partner liked it. But I felt totally uncomfortable with my two ladies half hanging out saying hello to the male world. Even when I was 25 I never wore low cut tops, so I don't think I'll start now! Maybe when I'm with child - I'll be all earth mother..... and happy to show them off. Anyhow, got a lovely dress for 63 euro reduced from 225. So happy days. The wedding is next weekend and I'm playing harp at it. Gosh, I've hardly done any rehearsal.....and i've loads to rehearse before the church.

Yesterday, was quite chilled out. Went over to a friends house to watch "the Secret" - DVD. Usually this friend has gatherings every 3 months - where we all get inspired. We call it Women's inspiration night. Whether that's for a business idea, read out a passage of an inspiring book, or just to air something that is on your mind - You should try it with a bunch of girls - its great fun. Last time I went, I sang two songs I wrote and someone else talked about her dream to meet the ONE. Everyone is so supportive - it's really great. And some good ideas do come out of these nights. So anyhow, we watched Rhonda Byrnes, "The secret". Feeling very inspired from it, so this morning I downloaded some morning affirmations....from www.thesecret.tv

I think these are from the writings of Charles larson (?) as far as I can remember:-

To be so strong that nothing disturbs my peace of mind
To talk health, happiness, prosperity with everyone I meet
To make all my friends feel there is something worthwhile in all of them
To look on the sunny side of things and make my optimism come true
To think only the best, to work my best and to expect only the best
To be just as enthusiastic for the success of others as myself
To forget the mistakes of the past, press onto the achievements of the future
To wear a cheerful expression at all times, and to give a smile to every living creature I meet
To give so much time to improve myself that I have no time to criticise others
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble
To think well of myself and to proclaim this to the world in good deeds to others
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side as long as I am true to the best I can be

Today is the beginning of my life
I am starting over today
I am grateful to be alive
I see beauty all around me
I live with passion and purpose
I take the time to laugh and play every day
I focus on all the good things in life
And give thanks for all of them
I feel the love, the joy and the abundance
I am free to be myself
I am magnificent in human form
I am so grateful to be me

I am going to try and use the Secret as part of my visualisations this month.

1. The Secret says firstly you should ASK the universe.
So I'm doing this I'm ASKING for a child.
2. The second step is to BELIEVE it to have happened.
So act as if it has happened. Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into believing it – do it. So I'm here imagining this bump is here. Sitting a little away from my computer, because I can't sit that close.

3. The third step is to RECEIVE - Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up.

So anyhow, that's my weekend in a nutshell. I don't start injections until either tomorrow or maybe the end of the week. Either way, the road to IVF is well and truly begun. Here's to a pothole free trek. Thanks for reading and have a fantastic week!! Today is the beginning of our futures!